Lonelygirls2007 unite

Don’t have a Valentine today? Well, don’t feel bad. It’s overrated. Hearts. Flowers. Candy. OK, the candy is all right, but otherwise the year’s second-biggest excuse to buy people things they in no way need is a bunch of hooey. That’s right, Hallmark, I said hooey.

Instead, revel in your freedom, ladies. If lesbian movies are any indication, you’re way better off. A rundown of the top 5 reasons to be glad you’re single this Valentine’s Day:

1) When you’re single, you won’t date a serial killer, like in Monster.

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2) When you’re single, you won’t confuse yourself with a bird of prey, like in Lost and Delirious.

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3) When you’re single, you won’t snort heroin as a form of flirting, like in High Art.

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4) When you’re single, you won’t imagine yourself in a fantasy world where your one true love loves you, only to be sucked through a portal in a blue box and awaken to realize you’ve murdered her instead, like in Mulholland Drive. At least, I think that’s what happened.

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5) When you’re single, you won’t watch Bar Girls just because your girlfriend has never seen it and thinks, “Hey, how bad could it really be?”

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And if all those reasons aren’t enough to cheer you, remember, chocolates are half price tomorrow.

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