“Alice in Wonderland” gets made trippy by Tim Burton

No longer content to haunt only your Christmas nightmares, Tim Burton is bringing Alice in Wonderland to the big screen next March, in some intensely mind-frakking 3D glory. The story is a sequel to Alice’s original adventure, one in which she flees an unwanted marriage proposal by following a white rabbit down a hole to Wonderland. Only, she doesn’t remember the drug-fueled nap dream that got her there the first time, 10 years earlier.

USA Today unveiled the first character images and concept art this morning, and yes, Alice has been Burton-ized.

Anne Hathaway plays The White Queen, who, in terms of literary motif in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking-Glass, is sort of the chess queen protagonist — but who, for the purposes of this post, we’re just going to call “crazy hot,” even all frosted over like this.

Helena Bonham Carter is The Red Queen, because who else are you going to cast to play trippy royalty with a penchant for chopping off little kids’ heads?

Johnny Depp is the Mad Hatter. (I know he looks like Elijah Wood here, but it’s really Depp.) This is his seventh collaboration with Burton, playing a character he calls “off his rocker.” Because Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands and Willy Wonka and Captain Jack Sparrow were so normal, I guess.

The rest of Alice in Wonderland‘s cast is just as stellar, even though we haven’t seen photos yet. Alan Rickman is The Caterpillar; Stephen Fry, The Cheshire Cat; Crispin Glover, The Knave of Hearts; and Michael Sheen, The White Rabbit.

Alice is played by relative newcomer Mia Wasikowska, whose credits so far include one season of In Treatment.

At 30, I haven’t recovered from the boat ride in the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. 25 years later and I sometimes still wake up shouting, “Hey Wonka, I want off!” to the tune of There’s no earthly way of knowing/which direction we are going/is it raining, is it snowing/is the grizzly reaper mowing/are the fires of hell a blowing.

So, here’s to another generation of kids being emotionally scarred by the movie adaptation of an innocuous, child-friendly book.

What do you think about the newly-imagined Alice in Wonderland? (I, for one, am all in.)

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