The fourth Fast and Furious film is currently playing in theaters, and at least one person has concluded that, as a result, America has its culture back:
That’s right. American culture can be boiled down to just one thing: muscle cars. Nothing else matters, you hear me? Nothing. Well, maybe monster trucks and possibly Waffle House. But remember: If your carmaker wasn’t bailed out by the federal government with taxpayer money for
Kids, this movie will send you into a “thrill of excitement.” Stuff blows up, (muscle) cars — not “four cylinder sticker box cars” with “coffee can exhausts” mind you — go really really ridiculously fast, and girls make out with each other for no reason at all:
Apparently, even the faux-lesbian tongue wrestling isn’t enough to distract the boys from their precious (muscle) cars. What has this world come to?
Of course, all this talk of girls kissing in Fast and Furious naturally brings up the following question: Does this include Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster making out? No? Then, all that girl-on-girl kissing must be utterly pointless. But some of you might want to see one of the scenes anyway. Watch the trailer. Don’t blink at 0:28.
Apparently, there is more where that came from.
From now on I propose that for every gratuitous girl on girl kissing scene that has no relation to the plot in any given movie, there should be a gratuitous display of boy on boy kissing. When Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker) are discussing their checkered past, why don’t two hot blond guys jump out from under the table and go at it?
Equal opportunity same-sex tongue wresting story line non-sequiturs. It’s only fair.