Lara Croft gets a reboot


It looks like everyone’s favorite impossibly proportioned video action heroine is going to be headed back to the big screen.

Lara Croft

According to The Hollywood Reporter, there are plans to “reboot” Lara Croft and the Tomb Raider franchise. The rights to the character have recently gone back to the company that created the game in 1996, Eidos. Says The Hollywood Reporter, “When Time Warner upped its stake to 19.92% in Eidos in December, film rights to the property were included as part of the deal.”

Though Angelina Jolie popularized the Croft character on film in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003), both films were met with lukewarm critical reviews and Cradle of Life was not a financial success. Currently, there is no indication that Jolie would reprise her role.

Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft

The project is being developed by Warner Brothers and producer by Dan Lin (Sherlock Holmes, Terminator 5), though no writer or star has yet been attached. These two factors are, of course, critical, as one (Jolie as star) was the central reason of the franchise’s popularity on film, and the other (the writing) was the major flaw in both of the Tomb Raider films.

As you might expect, there is already speculation that designer imposter Angelina Jolie self-described “Tranny” Megan Fox (Transformers) is being considered for the role of Lara Croft. But that wouldn’t be enough to get me rushing back into the theatres to see the movie (though her Transformers co-star Rachel Taylor is definitely matinee-worthy).

Megan Fox

In fact, I’m hoping that the Tomb Raider franchise takes a note from the James Bond franchise and reinvents Lara Croft entirely.

Remember when James Bond (Roger Moore‘s incarnation in particular) was a slick, emotionless, know-it-all who nonchalantly bedded any woman who crossed his path then was fluffed and ready for another game of Baccarat within the hour? Enter Daniel Craig, and Bond is now a brooding, brutish, heart-broken mess capable of blood, sweat and tears. Now that’s a Bond that I can get on board with!

Imagine if Croft underwent the same transformation, and instead of a monotone, glassy-eyed, braid and bangs-wielding chaste archaeologist with daddy issues we were treated to a passionate, thugish, obscenity-spewing adventurer who uses men (or women!) like tissues before embarking on her next adventure.

As long as we’re rewriting the character, let’s re-cast the role too. I nominate the following:

Michelle Rodriguez (who brings the brute)

Salma Hayek (who brings the passion, and probably her ever-present pal Penelope Cruz)

Jessica Biel (ok, she’s not so tough, but she’s ripped!)

Rose Rollins (as The L Word‘s Tasha, now in the private sector)

out lesbian comic Julie Goldman (because treasure hunting in cargo pants makes more sense anyway)

Will you go back to see the new (and hopefully improved) Lara Croft? Who would you cast in the role?

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