Women in movies, 10,000 B.C.

on

Two years nearly to the day after

300 arguably ushered in a new era of CGI and impossibly chiseled

male abdomens, the numbers are getting higher (even if the bar is falling

lower). I’m talking, of course, about that anachronistic prehistoric

spectacle, 10,000 B.C. The movie has the makings

of the kind of action movie I’d love: historical settings, ambiguous

prophecies, and a pretty girl.

But come on, Roland Emmerich.

Mammoth-hunting cavemen leaving their frozen homeland to chase pirate

slave-traders through the tropics by way of the pyramids to save the

damsel in distress? That’s beyond suspension of disbelief.

(Although I may have spun a similar yarn as a kid in my sandbox.

Sadly, my plastic dinosaurs looked more realistic. Also, my damsels

occasionally had interesting dialogue. And occasionally saved

themselves.)

But the movie gives the perfect opportunity

to reflect on the history of women in pre-history. EW.com has

posted a list of 10 prehistoric

hotties
to

honor the genre. Or, in some cases, to honor actresses who braved

bad costuming and worse dialogue for movies that should probably stay

buried in the past. More women than men made the list, which

is not really surprising, since cinematic prehistory is populated by

svelte, bikini-clad women. (Possibly to attract present-day Neanderthals

to the box office?)

First up, Daryl Hannah

in Clan of the Cave Bear (1986).

I’d rather remember her as

a mermaid or an android. No amount of revealing cavewoman dress

could possibly distract from the grunting or truly Neanderthal makeup.

Next, as if this list could exist

without her: Raquel Welch in

One Million Years B.C. (1966).

I’ve never seen it, but that

bikini, at least, is historic.

Barbara Bach made the list

for the spooftastic Caveman (1981).

Co-star and future husband

Ringo Starr didn’t make the hottie list, but this little comedy also

features a young Shelley Long and Dennis Quaid.

Next up, Rae Dawn Chong

in Quest for Fire (1981).

Chong actually won a Best Actress

Genie Award for her role, and she deserved it. Somehow,

the film’s made-up prehistoric language didn’t come across as unbearably

silly as Clan of the Cave Bear. But then, it was created

by the gifted Anthony Burgess.

The female cast of When

Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth
(1970) made the list jointly.

EW calls this a cult classic,

so I’m surprised I’ve never heard of it. I’m guessing, though,

that what we are looking at is dinosaur bait.

And here’s a final odd inclusion:

Betty and Wilma, the “resident MILFs” of Bedrock.

I have my own theories about

the very special relationship between the Flinstones and Rubbles, but

I still found this mildly disturbing. Sort of like Betty and

Wilma’s freakish waist-to-head-size ratio.

Did EW.com miss any prehistoric hotties?

And have you seen/will you see 10,000 B.C., even though it’s getting brutalized by critics?

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