The Razzies: And the losers are …


Well, the Oscar nominations
came out today; congratulations to all the nominees. Lord only knows
what the ceremony will look like if the writers’ strike continues, but
bask in your glory for the day and worry about seeming like a scab
tomorrow. Since it’s often more fun to read a bad review
than a good one, let’s talk about this year’s worst performances
instead. That’s right, the 2007 Razzie Award
out. It appears to have a bad year for students and/or strippers who
could be amnesiacs and/or long-lost twins and who are being chased by a serial
killers. But then, I’d imagine any year would be hard for someone with
that mix of attributes.

Seeing the list makes me feel
pretty good about my own taste in movies, since I haven’t seen I Know Who Killed

or any of the other Worst Picture nominees: Bratz, Daddy Day Camp,
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

and Norbit.

In fact, of all the nominees,
I’ve seen only one of the performances, that of Worst Supporting Actor
stinker Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s
. And mostly I saw that out of my long-standing affinity for
Johnny Depp
, who might as well be a woman because he’s so damn
pretty. What? Don’t judge.

Leading off the dis-honor list
was the Lindsay Lohan pole dancing flop I Know Who Killed
, with nine nominations. The Razzie board scolded the flick
for its “oddball cross-breeding of the Hostel/Saw

genre of ‘teen torture porn’ with elements of the old Patty Duke
.” And poor Linds got the distinction of pulling off the anti-awards
show’s first-ever double nomination for best actress, since she portrayed
two identical characters. Something tells me 2007 will be a
year La Lohan would just as soon forget, if she hasn’t already.

Not to be outdone in the you-suck
department was Eddie Murphy,
who set his own record with five nominations in acting categories (one
each for actor, actress, supporting actor and two for couple) in the
fat-suit comedy — using that term loosely — Norbit. Thus completes
the funny man’s spectacular fall from grace as Oscar nominee one year
to leading Razzie nominee the next, an honor previously held by Halle
(seriously, Catwoman, why?).

Joining Lindsay in the Worst
Actress category were Jessica Alba
for Awake, Fantastic Four: Rise of Silver Surfer and Good
Luck Chuck
, Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos and
Skyler Shaye

for Bratz, Elisha Cuthbert
for Captivity and Diane Keaton
for Because I Said So. The Diane nod (or should we say shake)
hurts because I love her no matter how many bland women-of-a-certain-age
comedies she churns out.

Joining Eddie over in the Worst
Supporting Actress gallery of losers were Jessica Biel
for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
and Next, Carmen Electra
for Epic Movie, Julia Ormond

for I Know Who Killed Me and Nicolette Sheridan
for Code Name: The Cleaner. Wait, Julia was in I Know Who
Killed Me
? That just makes me sad.

The winners, or should I say
losers, will be announced Feb. 23, a day before the Oscars. So, any
true turkeys they left off the list? Or were they too harsh on anyone?
And can someone please tell me who Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos
and Skyler Shaye even are in the first place?

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