The Razzies: And the losers are …

on

Well, the Oscar nominations

came out today; congratulations to all the nominees. Lord only knows

what the ceremony will look like if the writers’ strike continues, but

bask in your glory for the day and worry about seeming like a scab

tomorrow. Since it’s often more fun to read a bad review

than a good one, let’s talk about this year’s worst performances

instead. That’s right, the 2007 Razzie Award

nominations
are

out. It appears to have a bad year for students and/or strippers who

could be amnesiacs and/or long-lost twins and who are being chased by a serial

killers. But then, I’d imagine any year would be hard for someone with

that mix of attributes.

Seeing the list makes me feel

pretty good about my own taste in movies, since I haven’t seen I Know Who Killed

Me


or any of the other Worst Picture nominees: Bratz, Daddy Day Camp,

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry


and Norbit.

In fact, of all the nominees,

I’ve seen only one of the performances, that of Worst Supporting Actor

stinker Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s

End
. And mostly I saw that out of my long-standing affinity for

Johnny Depp
, who might as well be a woman because he’s so damn

pretty. What? Don’t judge.

Leading off the dis-honor list

was the Lindsay Lohan pole dancing flop I Know Who Killed

Me
, with nine nominations. The Razzie board scolded the flick

for its “oddball cross-breeding of the Hostel/Saw

genre of ‘teen torture porn’ with elements of the old Patty Duke

Show
.” And poor Linds got the distinction of pulling off the anti-awards

show’s first-ever double nomination for best actress, since she portrayed

two identical characters. Something tells me 2007 will be a

year La Lohan would just as soon forget, if she hasn’t already.

Not to be outdone in the you-suck

department was Eddie Murphy,

who set his own record with five nominations in acting categories (one

each for actor, actress, supporting actor and two for couple) in the

fat-suit comedy — using that term loosely — Norbit. Thus completes

the funny man’s spectacular fall from grace as Oscar nominee one year

to leading Razzie nominee the next, an honor previously held by Halle

Berry
(seriously, Catwoman, why?).

Joining Lindsay in the Worst

Actress category were Jessica Alba

for Awake, Fantastic Four: Rise of Silver Surfer and Good

Luck Chuck
, Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos and

Skyler Shaye
collectively

for Bratz, Elisha Cuthbert

for Captivity and Diane Keaton

for Because I Said So. The Diane nod (or should we say shake)

hurts because I love her no matter how many bland women-of-a-certain-age

comedies she churns out.

Joining Eddie over in the Worst

Supporting Actress gallery of losers were Jessica Biel

for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

and Next, Carmen Electra

for Epic Movie, Julia Ormond

for I Know Who Killed Me and Nicolette Sheridan

for Code Name: The Cleaner. Wait, Julia was in I Know Who

Killed Me
? That just makes me sad.

The winners, or should I say

losers, will be announced Feb. 23, a day before the Oscars. So, any

true turkeys they left off the list? Or were they too harsh on anyone?

And can someone please tell me who Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos

and Skyler Shaye even are in the first place?

 

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