If you’ll allow me, I’d like to test a theory. I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer as truthfully as possible. My intent is purely scientific, I assure you. I pose it only in the interest of posterity and the advancement of humankind. So, are you ready? Again, please answer honestly.
Does the golden bikini work on fangirls like it does on fanboys?
I speak, of course, of the famous/infamous gold bikini Princess Leia wore when she was being held as a slave girl by Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. It may in fact be the most famous bikini on the planet, not to mention the least buoyant. And in the 24 years that have passed since its image first seared itself onto our collective subconscious, it has spawned countless imitators. Remember the episode of Friends where Rachel dressed up for Ross in the gold bikini? I think that may have been its official outing as the No. 1 fantasy in all of geekdom — well, at least for straight guys.
But my, um, research is inconclusive on whether the gold bikini inspired the same slavish devotion (read: drool) among gay women. Now to clarify, since this is for science, I want you to try to separate your emotions about the gold bikini itself from those about Princess Leia and, therefore, Carrie Fisher. The findings are already indisputable that Carrie Fisher is awesome. That’s just a fact.
No, instead I want you to dissect the fantasy itself. Is it about the fancy metalwork? Is it about the collar and chain? Is it about some strange obsession you have with giant slugs? On second thought, if it’s that last one, keep it to yourself.
So what prompted this comprehensive analysis? This week, shots of Kristen Bell donning the bikini of destiny emerged and were met with what can conservatively be called great enthusiasm. She wore the getup for the upcoming, and appropriately titled, film Fanboys.
Because I believe in being thorough and collecting good data, here are a couple other ladies sporting the metallic swimwear.
Yvonne Strahovski from Chuck.
Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show.
And, since no experiment would be valid without a control, here again is the accept-no-substitutes original.
So, fangirls, does that work for you? And remember, this is for science. Ahem.
