If Abbie Cornish isn’t a Bond Girl, who is?

Abbie Cornish is not, I repeat not, the new Bond Girl.

The Olsen twins also are not the new Bond Girls. And just to ease the minds of any aspiring Bond Girls out there, I have taken myself out of the running, too.

When actors go to the trouble of announcing that they are most definitely not in certain roles, I envision a kid in a classroom frantically waving her hand, “Pick me! Pick me!” In Cornish’s case, though, a rumor was circulating that she was under consideration for the part. Her good friend Rose Byrne even said it was true. But now that we know better, we can move on to more important things. Like who will be the next bikini-clad hottie to wave her barely covered cleavage my, er, Bond’s way.

To help us get in the mood, let’s meditate on former Bond Girl Famke Janssen.

According to casting notes, producers are looking for a Latina actress in her late 20s, preferably with South American roots. “She must be beautiful, able to handle a physically demanding role, fluent in English and, last but most certainly not least, a great actress.”

Quick, Shakira, go to acting school.

The other person who comes to mind is, of course, Sarah Shahi.

Shahi doesn’t have South American roots, but she’s from the South and she is American so maybe she could get in on a technicality. I can just picture her in a bikini whoopin’ ass. Really, I can.

Rumored to be in contention is Indian actress Shilpa Shetty. Not being big on Bollywood, I’m not familiar with Shetty. But I seem to recall a precedent for casting an Indian actress as Latina. (Aren’t you going to miss Papi? I didn’t think so.)

In the category of “I’m not an actress, a Latina or from South America, but I really, really want to be a Bond Girl” is:

Yep, Maria Sharapova’s biggest dream is to be a Bond girl. She thinks her Russian blood gives her an edge, and her hobby is spying. Hey, she said it, not me.

“I’m really good at manipulating people. And I’m great at spying. I should have been Sherlock Holmes.”

Her first words to Bond could be, “I’m here to serve.” Heh.

Your turn. Given the above criteria, who would make the best Bond Girl? Hey, picturing hot Latina women in bikinis is a tough job, but somebody’s gotta’ do it.

More you may like