Morning Brew – Tuesday, August 17: Lesbians abound in “Piranha 3D” opening Friday, Joyce sticks around on “Mad Men”

Morning!

Relationships site YourTango.com published “5 Reasons We’d Take Sara Gilbert’s Love Advice.” The problem is, they couldn’t really come up with a fifth reason:

5. OK, and we loved her as Darlene. So what’s this gotta do with relationship advice? OK, OK we admit it’s a stretch. But, come on, cut us some slack here! You didn’t really think we were gonna spend all this time talking about Sara Gilbert without mentioning her role as the sarcastic tomboy who dealt with a boy-crazy older sister, devious little brother, nutty parents and a roller coaster romance with the troubled nice guy, David? We have to assume Gilbert’s got a little of Darlene in her and who wouldn’t want to hear Darlene’s no-holds-barred thoughts on romance and men?

And then I’m back to realizing it’s all about the men.

Speaking of Roseanne stars, The News Statesman has a piece on “the gay best friend” in films and the only lesbian moment he mentions is from 1988′s Internal Affairs, which starred Aunt Jackie.

Andy Garcia plays an I.A investigator partnered with Laurie Metcalf, who just happens to be a lesbian; to the best of my recollection, the film makes no reference to her sexuality beyond a brief shot in which Garcia realises that they’re both checking out the same woman. That’s all you get. Brilliant.

True, gay guys end up being the BFFs in films more than lesbians, but Laurie isn’t alone. Sandra Oh was the resident lez pal to Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun, Jada Pinkett Smith was the serial womanizer in The Women, to name two of my faves.

Last night on Huge, Amber (Hayley Hasselhoff) and Chloe (Ashley Holliday) were asked to kiss in Truth or Dare. After doing the obligatory “Oh my god!” “I can’t believe we’re doing this!” they did. Unfortunately, it was followed up with a dude-on-dude dare that went very wrong.

You can watch the whole episode at ABC Family.com.

Piranha 3D opens Friday, which means there will be a lot of blood and faux lesbian makeouts in our future. There’s that whole underwater sex scene between Kelly Brook and Riley Steele, but that’s not all — Gossip Girl star Jessica Szohr will also be locking lips with Steele (a certified porn star).

Kelly Brook and Riley Steele

Says Szohr:

“Um, I think I have a couple make out scenes. There is a little crazy stuff that goes on, but it was all in good fun. And it just was simple. My character is a good character so everything that she does in this is done tastefully.”

If by tastefully she means frenching a porn star after taking a body shot of tequila out of her belly button, then sure, that tastes like something.

MSN wants to hook Jillian Michaels up, so they’ve made a list of seven possible suitors for the out trainer. They include Melissa Etheridge, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Danielle Staub and The Situation. Thank god these people aren’t matchmakers by trade.

By the way, Danielle Staub was axed from The Real Housewives of New Jersey so she won’t be returning for a third season. If you were hoping to see her dyke out with a lesbian diva, I’m sorry to kill your dreams. On the bright side, I’m sure she just won’t fade away. They never do.

Over the weekend, Tila Tequila was harassed and assaulted by a group of juggalos at a gathering in Illinois. I don’t care how much you dislike someone, I don’t think anyone deserves having bottles, rocks and feces flung at them. Unfortunately, Sam Ronson went on camera saying “Karma’s a b–h” and that she laughed when she saw the photos of Tila bruised and beaten. Yikes.

In a better video, happy second anniversary Ellen and Portia!

If you’re wondering if we’ll see bohemian lesbian Joyce again on Mad Men, the answer is yes. The show’s publicist confirmed she’ll show up on a few more episodes this season! The actress is Zosia Mamet, who you will remember as Courtney in United States of Tara or as Mia Wasikowska‘s hyper-sexual BFF in The Kids Are All Right.

Post-Mad Men she’ll be showing up on Parenthood as Amber (Mae Whitman)’s pot-smoking hipster pal named Kelsey.

Come back soon for a recap of the Rizzoli & Isles lesbian episode last night.

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