Morning Brew – Monday, August 2: “The Gates” implicates a lesbian lover in a crime, Sapphic underwater sex in “Piranha 3D”

Where to begin? I’ve missed you.

While at TCA, I learned many things. Mostly, NBC doesn’t really care about gay people. At least not Dick Wolf. So if Mariska Hargitay ever seriously goes gay on SVU, it’s because Dick Wolf has ceased to exist. Also, Sara GIlbert is really uncomfortable talking about being gay but everyone knows she is except, apparently, mainstream press who decided she had just come out.

But let’s talk about today. Today, we’ll begin with this screenshot from the underwater lesbian sex scene from the upcoming Piranha 3D with Riley Steele and Kelly Brook. Tell me it’s not everything you dreamed of and more.

No? OK. Moving on!

You know what we really need more of? Lesbian vampires. Thank God The Gates is on top of the trend. On last night’s episode, “Jurisdiction,” a murdered vampire named Barbara is found to have been accidentally killed by her lover, Gloria. Gloria says she was trying to help “Barbie,” whom she found close to dead so she tried turning her into a vampire. Unfortunately, she failed and now her girlfriend has fang marks in her neck that implicate her in the crime.

The sad part: Gloria still loved Babs, even after she left her to go back to men. She even says she “knew she was an experiment.” Of course, the cop tells her she obviously has a motive for murder. Well yes, officer, but we rarely take it that far. Mostly we just write in our journals and cry until our friends tell us to get over it and stop dating straight women.

You can watch the whole episode at ABC’s website.

We Love Soaps talked with former Guiding Light actress Kim Zimmer recently and wanted to know if she could pop up on Venice sometime soon.

We Love Soaps: Have any other indie soaps approached you about being on their shows.

Kim Zimmer:
Yes. But Crystal has not called me. Bitch! [Laughs] I love you, Crystal. I guess she doesn’t think I’m in touch with my lesbian side.

We Love Soaps: And are you?
Kim Zimmer:
I am. I’ve kissed Crystal Chappell many times! I have been approached by another internet soap. It didn’t work out because they couldn’t get their shit together, basically. It is tough. But I’m an actor. Actors like to work. Whatever it is.

Venice could use a cougar, no?

If you loved Flo from last season of Bad Girls Club, you’re going to flip over Brandi, the stripper who says she is a lesbian “90% of the time.” And then there’s Lea, a bisexual who “brags about having an affair with a married man for a year and a half while also having a live-in boyfriend.” Oxygen needs some help in the lesbian visibility department.

The Independent‘s Pink List of 2010 includes talented women like Phyllida Lloyd, Fiona Shaw and Goldfrapp, but there’s still only 30 on the list of 101, meaning men still rule the majority. That being said, I can think of several omissions on the list, including Romy Madley Croft of the xx, Lady Sovereign and Saffron Burrows.

Female First has a great interview with Noomi Rapace of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series. Did you know she had to get real piercings and learn how to drive a motorcycle for the role? She even signed on before she read a script because she loved the books so much.

And, lastly, Lindsay Lohan is a free woman. I somehow find this a strong coincidence that she is let go the day after I leave Los Angeles.

Come back later for a ton of good stuff — including an interview with Jessica Capshaw and a new episode of Girl/Girl Scene. Be still my heart!

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