Courtenay Semel is going to be on the cover of Curve. Yep, the heiress who has been linked romantically to both Tila Tequila and Lindsay Lohan — and who allegedly set her ex’s hair on fire. And I couldn’t be happier.
Oh, put down your pitchforks already. What could be more delicious than a young Hollywood-type celesbian gracing the cover of a lesbian magazine that has been called “a lesbian magazine” “for Women and Womyn — in flyover states.” Seriously, don’t hate. If the straights can have their Paris Hiltons, we should be able to have our own tabloid regulars like Courtenay and the Twitter-challenged Tila. And should I drive home the point that this is Curve and not OK! Magazine or Perez Hilton? It’s truly the dawn of a new day!
Because, sometimes, some of us just want to relax and read mindless gossip about our own without being judged by “enlightened lesbians” and having to pretend to care about impossibly-perfect-to-achieve representations of lesbians in the media twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. (Karman, please don’t fire me.)
According to People, Courtenay cites Lindsay Lohan’s tabloid blunders as an example of “what not to do,” even though she admits that she has among other things, “fall[en] drunk out of a club.” So let me ask you all a question: How many of you (legal age lesbians) have not fallen drunk out of a club at least once in your life? Raise your hand.
That’s not many hands. Hell, I tottered drunk out of a club last week, as did thousands of other people in New York City. The only difference is that no one felt that capturing it on film was important. (Yes she also admitted to getting a DUI and being arrested, which is probably something one should avoid at all costs, but hey, being a lesbian doesn’t mean you’re perfect.)
About her dating history, she says, “I’d like to to say that I’m kind of like the Don Juan of the lesbian world.” (So any of you out there want to start AmIShaneOrNot.com and see if she scores a 9 or above?) But according to Semel, her dating history does not include Lindsay Lohan, and she blames the media for fueling rumors about her and Lindsay.
She says, “I would like to say that Lindsay and I would make a really hot couple, but unfortunately we were best friends and the media kind of ruined that relationship.”
The Hollywood Gossip reports that she is throwing a party in celebration of her interview Curve. To be honest, I want to go. Can anyone get me a press pass?
She also plays a word association game, in which she says that Spencer Pratt is “ALL CAPS AMAZING” and that Paris Hilton is “hot.” Wait? Can a lesbian say that in public? Yes. Yes! We! Can! You can say those things and still like women, no matter what “those” lesbians say! Liberate yourselves!
Even if you think I’ve gone off the deep end, you’ll have to agree that she’s spot on about Robert Pattinson. (See Exhibit A.) And Sarah Palin? No exhibits necessary.
The Curve issue goes into circulation on Nov. 24.