Katy Perry wants to share her Grammy experience with you

I have this friend who got a bit trolleyed in a pub one night and kissed another girl, mostly for the benefit of her boyfriend. Nothing came of it, except she told the story to some people and they loved it so much that they wanted to hear about it over and over and over. Much later, she broke up with her boyfriend and was interested in kissing girls as much as she always had been, which is not at all, but people kept wanting to hear her tell the story about that night.

Now, she needs someone to tell it with her, maybe with kissing, maybe without, you never really know how these things are going to go once you get an audience. It’s not that she likes the girl-kissing, but the monetary reward and attention is mind-boggling, and if you’d like to tell the story with her she’ll give you 5,000 bucks, and a live television audience.

Any takers? My friend is named Katy Perry and she wants you to sing “I Kissed A Girl” on stage with her at the Grammys.

“I am very excited to be a first-time Grammy nominee and new Recording Academy member this year, and even more thrilled to perform on music’s biggest stage in February,” she said, because yes, her ubiquitous song has been nominated for Best Female Vocal Pop Performance.

“I’d love to share my first Grammy experience with all my fans, so I encourage you to submit your videos now!”

To bring the total number of people on stage who actually like kissing girls to one, you can enter the “My Grammy Moment” contest at CBS. Just upload a 30-60 second video of you singing along with “I Kissed a Girl.” Fans will vote on the best videos, and the winner will be announced during the awards show.

If you plan to enter, my advice is stock up on cherry chapstick. I hear fauxmosexuals love the way it tastes.

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