How to Lesbianize “Cards Against Humanity”

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The best thing that has ever happened to me is Cards Against Humanity (second only to getting my dog, obviously.) Originally created by a group of friends in a suburb of Chicago as a New Year’s Eve activity, the “party game for horrible people” was later financed through Kickstarter and stole mine, and the hearts of the politically incorrect everywhere, in 2011. Long story short, it’s the game that you always wanted Apples to Apples to be: raunchy, inappropriate and crass. Since then, I have taken to using the game as a litmus test for potential suitors, my only real criteria in a mate being if they can gain my dog’s approval and beat me at CAH. Having spent years playing with nearly every lez this side of the planet, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite lesbian-inspired rounds. It should be noted, these are not all suitable for the easily offended/faint of heart. Have strap-on, will travel. CAH1 You can’t spell ambiance without buzzing. CAH2 If you don’t move, they can’t see you. CAH3 On today’s agenda: being fabulous. CAH4 Sure seems to be a lot of old and flaky caulk in those antique windows. CAH5 I’m not gay but my vagina is. CAH6 OMG, I LOVE THIS ANI SONG. CAH7 So like, are you still a virgin? #penetratingthoughts CAH8 Crikey! You mean they’re not elusive? CAH9 You had me at side-swept bangs. CAH10 I’m gonna need to take five. CAH11 Today, on Myths and Legends. CAH12 I mean, we all sat through Salmonberries, right? RIGHT? CAH13 How to make a church with your fingers: a tutorial. CAH14 Can you find me now? CAH15 Compartmentalizing isn’t just a city in China. CAH16 I prefer a diet that is (Adrienne) Rich in lesbians. CAH17 Tell me more about your new “roommate.” CAH18 Nothing gets me hotter than, “Let’s make a baby.” CAH19 War! What is it good for? CAH20 All hail the OG. CAH21 Processing. On the next Geraldo. CAH22 Download your own deck of Cards Against Humanity for free and make it as lesbian as possible for ultimate fun.

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