A couple of weeks ago, I took my six-year-old nephew to buy his first comic book, and when he saw Wonder Woman’s costume for the first time, he laughed so hard he had to sit down on the floor of the comic shop and collect himself. “Underpants,” he kept giggling over and over as he held his stomach tried to catch his breath. “She’s wearing her underpants.” My nephew is more than familiar with superhero costumes; he was Batman for Halloween last year — but Wonder Woman wasn’t dressed like Batman, and her spangled hotpants were the most hilarious thing he’d ever seen in his life. When I asked him what he thought she should be wearing, he said, “Clothes, like everyone else. Where are her clothes?”
His little kid words rang in my ears yesterday when I started the annual search for my Halloween costume. Oh, I know, I know. Cady Heron told me ages ago that Halloween is the one night a year where you can dress like a slut and no other girls can say anything about it, but some of the “sexy” costumes on sale this year are so ridiculous, I wanted to laugh myself onto the floor like my nephew. And so I’ve made a list of the 12 most ridiculous “sexy” costumes available this Halloween. I’ve taken the liberty of placing them beside the male versions of the costume, just so you can see the full effect of the absurdity.
#12 Sexy Cowgirl — Nothing says ropin’ and ridin’ and chafin’ your vagina like a cowhide skirt with a half-inch inseam.
#11 Sexy Sailor — “Tee hee, is that a brass binnacle compass in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
#10 Sexy Soldier — Be all that you can be, unless what you want to be is protected from the desert sun and also shrapnel.