“Modern Family” goes there with Gloria and Claire

 
 

I have a lot in common with Modern Family‘s Phil Dunphy: I’m a little too earnest, a little too awkward and, every time I see her, I have the inappropriate idea to help Sofia Vergara out of her clothes. Also, last night, when Gloria accidentally threw herself at Claire, I got so lightheaded I had to sit down and breathe into a paper bag.

Being a raging homo and watching primetime TV means sometimes you see sapphic undertones that just aren’t there. Ann and Leslie on Parks and Recreation (which finally returns tonight on NBC!). Brennan and Angela on Bones. Me and Sarah Walker on Chuck. But until “Caught In The Act,” I’d never really given much thought to Gloria and Claire. And then it seemed like Gloria was saying my number one dream out loud, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Gloria and Claire. (I’m a lesbian; I like to see hot girls making out. Sue me.) (Please don’t sue me. I can barely afford Cheerios.)

How about a little context? Before leaving for vacation with Jay, Gloria accidentally fires off an email refusing to help Claire with the school bake sale: “You are a bossy control freak who looks down on my cupcakes even though your lemon squares are very dry!” On the way to the airport, she calls Claire for damage control, but Claire refuses to speak to her. Gloria thinks it’s because of her email, but it’s not. Claire is having a panic attack because her kids walked in on her and Phil having sex.

And here we are:

It’s not really lesbian, of course. And with the actually good actual lesbian storylines on TV right now, I probably shouldn’t keep sifting every second of television through my subtext filter. But I can’t help it. It’s a habit. Anyway, don’t get mad at me; Gloria’s the one who offered up her cupcakes!

What did you think of last night’s Modern Family?

 
 

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