“Mistresses” recap (1.02): Japanese Bondage Ropes

Previously on Mistresses: Joss moved into Savi’s guest house, Savi’s hubby’s lil’ swimmers are no Ryan Lochtes, Savi cheated, Karen cheated, April’s husband cheated — they weren’t messing around when they named this show.

Sadly, we immediately find out that Savi is having some major regrets about cheating — I’m talking sobbing-on-the-bathroom-floor regrets.

Luckily, Joss is here to make the morning a little brighter, still dressed in a absolutely fabulous costume from her night of partying.

She says she went as “Thor’s girlfriend” but that the hammer was a bitch to dance with. Savi is a little frustrated with her little free-spirited sister and Jes promises to stumble directly into her guest house from now on.

April rallies Karen and Savi for some advice about this baby mama drama and while they wait for April to arrive, Karen tells Savi that she is still getting messages from her dead lover’s son. Savi still strongly advises just ignoring little Sam until he goes away, that no good can come of talking to him.

April shows up and exhales her greeting and her burden all at once, saying “Good morning, Paul had a baby with another woman.” She is freaking out because she doesn’t even have anyone to yell at, since her husband’s dead. Savi puts on her optimist hat and says maybe this chick is just scamming her, maybe they ought to investigate a little before they just accept it as truth.

On the way out to their cars, Savi tells Karen that she cheated on Harry. Karen tries to psychoanalyze who she cheated on him with and why, but Savi insists that it had nothing to do with Dominic. Karen raises an eyebrow and suggests maybe she figure out why she did cheat before she goes confessing her sins.

Quite frankly, I’m not sure I would take post-cheating advice from someone who never actually had to deal with the post-cheating consequences of her cheating, even if she WAS a therapist.

At the house, Joss is attempting to make scrambled eggs, but her professional chef brother-in-law decides to take over. Joss adorably asks, “What’s up with the house of sadness?” and offers him some advice about dealing with fighting with her sister, something she is something of an expert at.

A phone call interrupts their breakfast bonding – it’s Alex, telling Joss that they need to take a little break from the house hunting, because it’s putting Sally in a bad mood and no one likes a grumpy girlfriend. Joss tells her that she should stick up for herself, and that since her afternoon is free now, she’d like to take her out to lunch. Alex knows this is just a sales pitch, but Joss swears it will only be a little work-related, that really she just likes talking to her and wants to “take her to a taco stand.” Mmmmhm.


This would have been a good time for the “what are you wearing” game.

At her office, Karen calls Handsome Jacob into her office to ask him — hypothetically, of course — how to handle her little pest problem. He gives her better advice than Savi and says to be upfront and honest, but gentle. I like you, Handsome Jacob. You can stay.

Unfortunately, Karen does not successfully follow Handsome Jacob’s advice and ends up agreeing to get coffee with Sam.

Savi’s law firm is apparently a branch of the Ministry of Magic, because she already has full reports on the mystery woman who showed up with a toddler at April’s door. Unfortunately, things are not looking great, because this Miranda character worked at the very hotel April’s late husband stayed at “for business” at least twice a month. This fact causes April to go into an anti-cheating rant, which makes Savi blurt out that she had cheated on her husband just last night. April is horrified and wishes her friend had kept that indiscretion to herself.

At the taco stand, Joss is telling Alex that she should have the upper hand in the relationship because she’s hotter. They banter a bit and Joss uses her effortless charm to convince Alex to come alone to see one more house the next day.

Back at Savi’s house, Joss finds Harry milling about, waiting for Savi. Joss is beyond thrilled that he was taking her relationship advice — something that probably happens never – even though he now has to leave for work and can’t follow through.

Savi heads back to work from her lunch with Karen, where they bonded over their terrible decision-making skills. She finds Dominic for the first time that day and makes it very, VERY clear that they are never, ever, EVER getting back together. Dom seems agreeable, but would like the record to show that she did, in fact, kiss him first.

Karen is going against everyone’s advice and having coffee with Sam, who is very flirtatious and apparently 20 years old. Which is less creepy than high school, but still icky, considering her history with his family. They chat a little awkwardly until Sam finally puts the icing on the awkward cake by spilling all over her skirt. She’s finally realizing what a terrible idea this was and tells him to have a nice life. 

Harry visits Savi at work and offers to take her to lunch, but she’s already been to lunch with like three other people already today, so she has to turn him down. He’s being all sweet and apologizing for being a Class A Jerkwad when he found out he didn’t have superhuman sperm when Dom pops his head in to tell Savi they have a meeting. The guys shake hands and Savi goes pale but Dom leaves without a problem. Harry can see Savi is busy, so he tells her that he talked to the doctor and they can still make a baby so not to worry.


Her bun is so big because it’s full of secrets.

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