“Mistresses” recap (1.09): Ladies Who Lunch

Previously on Mistresses, Savi decided to ditch the boys for the baby, April decided to send her zombie ex-husband packing, Joss decided to commit to Alex, and Karen decided she was on a mission to get axe-murdered.

We open on a beach, where a teeny tiny Savannah and Josslyn sit in the sand in their awesomely ’80s attire.

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Their mom is swimming topless in the water, hollering for attention, going further than she probably should. Mini Savi assures Mini Joss that she’s only doing it to get the lifeguard’s attention, and that she’ll be okay. They both sit and wait for the lifeguard’s whistle, but when they hear it, it’s actually just present-day Savi’s phone ringing, waking her from her dream.

The call was Karen, who has decided to call an emergency mistresshood meeting to talk about her interaction with the now-revealed-to-be-psychotic wife of her dead ex-patient-lover. Karen is panicking because maybe now there are even more lies swirling around her sordid life. Savi tells Karen that she needs to just walk away from all of it, to let it go. So you know she won’t.

At Casa Davis, Harry is packing up some of his things from the kitchen when in walks a fun and fancy-free woman who is all smiles. Mama Janet says she just dropped in for a surprise visit to her daughters and asks where Harry is taking his kitchen equipment and why he looks like a dog who has been kicked one too many times. He tells her that he has moved out, but that Savi should probably one to fill her in on the rest.

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At April’s store, Hot Dad skips in to jauntily recount his conversation with his daughter about him and April dating. He can tell from the look on April’s face that she has yet to tell Lucy. She says she has had a crazy week, but fails to mention that it’s not just the standard single-mom crazy, but more along the lines of soap opera crazy. While this conversation is going on, Zombie Paul is lurking outside, as zombies are wont to do.

At work, Savi is watching a fetus video that is talking about webbed fingers and toes, and her and I make the same ew-face at it, because in-utero fetii look like tiny alien blobs. Dom interrupts this miracle of life viewing and she tells him that Harry has moved out. Before Dom can fully process this information, Harry calls Savi, and Dom slinks out. Harry gives her the heads up on her mom’s arrival and how much she knows. He then not-so-smoothly transitions into talking about the paternity test results, and when she lies and says she didn’t get them yet, he hangs up on her.

Meanwhile, Karen is still trying to be on Pretty Little Liars, but with even worse decision making skills and zero Spencer Hastings. April gives her more good advice, which is to just move on and focus on the positive, which means Karen is DEFINITELY not going to do that.

Mama Janet drops by Joss’s office to surprise her youngest daughter. Joss is happy to see her, because her life has gone to crap and she could really use a mom right now. She spills all her problems, adding that the one good thing she has going on is that she’s dating someone, and that it’s a girl. Mama Janet takes it all in stride and takes her “homeless lesbian with a crappy job” of a daughter to lunch.

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Joss stops by the firm to convince Savi to come for lunch but Savi throws some bitch-sass at her. Joss thinks Mama has news, and Savi rolls her eyes at the idea of another step-dad. Joss says she’d love to hear about the baby, Savi snaps that there’s no way she’s telling her that. And so on. Still, Joss persists and Savi finally gives in and comes to lunch.

At the Lady Carver Lunch, Joss fills her mom in on her new girlfriend. Joss literally swoons over Alex and regretfully mentions that she is Out of Town. When Mama says maybe she can meet her next time, Savi hurrumphs and Joss insists that they could still be together next time. Mama Janet uses this as a transition to break her news – she has a one-way ticket to Brazil (which apparently came with a little Brazilian flag). Savi looks confused and a little upset, but Joss immediately starts planning a going away party.

April is sitting on Hot Dad’s porch, in a baseball shirt, holding a bottle of white wine. Normally I don’t condone lingering on porches in the dark, but if I ever came home to that, I’d probably propose on the spot.

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April tells Hot Dad that she told Lucy, then invites Hot Dad to the going away party, that way she can meet her friends. She says she wants his trust back, and he says, “I’m sorry, were you speaking? I have a hard time focusing on anything but your magic golden eyes of perfection.” (Or something.)

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