“Millionaire Matchmaker” not a match made in heaven when it comes to gays and lesbians

Have you ever been watching something when all of a sudden someone says something that makes you want to crawl through the screen, grab that person by the collar and punch said person in the face? Yeah, it’s like that.

I’ve never watched Bravo’s reality series The Millionaire Matchmaker. But  as a regular Bravo viewer, I’ve seen plenty of promos for the show and its very opinionated star, Patti Stanger.

Patti Stanger

Now I haven’t watched because the concept – Stanger runs an “elite matchingmaking service” that pairs wealthy men with beautiful women – makes me want to bang my head into a wall repeatedly. But then my friend over at Pink Navy alerted me to the horror that was Stanger giving advice to gays and lesbians looking for love. It must be seen to be truly unappreciated.

Whaaaaa? Where to start? If her stereotypes don’t kill you, her flat-out false information will. It’s so egregious I think I’m going to have to tackle all of her idiocy in chronological order.

1. “So lesbian dating is U-Hauling it, we all know.”

OK, so U-Hauling does happen and is often joked about. But it most definitely is not the only way lesbians date. Plus her reasoning (that it’s much more difficult for lesbians to come out than gay men because lesbianism is not as “socially acceptable like gay men”) is six kinds of faulty.

2. “You have Ellen as your poster girl but who else is gay? k.d. lang? That’s about it – two. Melissa Etheridge? Three.”

Ellen DeGeneres, k.d. lang, and Melissa Etheridge

Yes, those are the only gay ladies in all the world. What is this, 1997? Oh wait, we have these things in our head called  eyes. And if you used them, Patti, you would realize that gay women have all kinds of out role models from Rachel Maddow to Annie Leibovitz, Rosie O’Donnell to Cynthia Nixon, Martina Navratilova to Sheryl Swoopes, Patricia Cornwell to Suze Orman, Leisha Hailey to Beth Ditto and I could go on but I have to stop to take some aspirin because seriously, woman, you are making my head hurt.

3. Women leaving their husbands to “become gay” is a “big phenomena which is happening right now.”

Yep, becoming gay is a big phenomena kind of like El Niño and alien abductions.

And, beware if you are a gay man because her words for you will probably break your brain. Seriously, it’s so bad I’m just going to have to highlight lowlight the worst.

1. “If you are a gay man, you’re still susteptible [sic] to oxytocin bonding, because you have a lot more estrogen in your body than a straight man does, ‘kay? There’s not a lot of testosterone there. So the truth of the matter is you can get emotionally bonded, same as a straight female. You gotta be careful.”

All I can say to that is:

Why is this woman on my television and how can we make her stop talking?

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