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“Lost Girl” Rewind Mini-Cap (4.13): Dark Horse

Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of “Lost Girl.” Read the full episode recap here.

When last we saw Bo she was still suffering from a total personality transplant and had married some dude she didn’t even really know and thought for most of the season might be her father. But instead he turned out to be a huge dud and their union basically opened the gates of hell. Whoopsie-daisy.

Meanwhile, Lauren is in mortal danger from the second most annoying dude on the show this season. While Rainer was just boring, Massimo is downright irritating. Like, we get it, you have mommy issues. Don’t you dare hit Lauren on the head and hold her captive because you weren’t hugged by your mother.

Trick finally tells Bo more about her heritage. She is a mix of her mother’s Light blood and father’s Dark blood. Her daddy dearest also has the power to take life from multiple victims at one time and give them to another. Sound familiar? It should if you’ve ever watched this show.

Newly unclaimed Kenzi is the only one with the good sense to worry about Lauren. She finds sex sheets, signs of a struggle and weird wall art at the Morrigan’s apartment. It’s a painting of Bo terrorizing a town of peasants. Actually, that’s not weird at all. This is exactly the kind of thing Evony would have commissioned to cheer herself up.

Evony returns to her apartment to find Kenzi and Dyson there. Apparently the security at the leader of the Dark’s home really sucks. After they realize Lauren’s Magical Vagina turned Evony human, Kenzi socks her in the nose. I mean, when you have your shot, take it.

Plus, it is her whiny son who is busy showing off his new Origin Seed strength by busting up the Dal. He throws Bo around for a while. Trick is about to take him on, but Rainer does the only good thing he has done all season and sacrifices himself instead.

Bo wakes up from her beating and Tamsin finally tells her what we’ve all been yelling at our TVs all season. Snap out of it and woman up. Her scolding finally bring back the Bo we know and love. So she grabs a snack and keeps the Valkubus home fires burning in the process.

A newly happy Valkyrie stops to chat with Kenzi, too. She tells her to forgive Bo, because they’ve both lost someone this season. But, luckily, we only care about one of those loses. RIP, Hale. Kenzi instead decides to do some research, because unlike everyone else she doesn’t take prophecies told to her by strangers at face value. What she reads is that it will take Bo’s heart to close the gates of Hel. But, oh, the heart is such a tricky muscle.

Like, take Dyson’s heart. He can’t stop loving Bo. But she’s like, “Buddy, you are my favorite battery charger. But definitely not my heart. But thanks for pledging you fealty to me instead of my grandpa. Now let’s go try to stop the apocalypse with absolutely no plan. Again.”

So they do. They march on down to the Horse Whisperer Clan’s lair, which is now a zombie arrival gate. Bo Succu-Hulks out and then gets a little too BO SMASH about everything. But Dyson brings her back with some terrible kissing.

Though, you can’t hate the old dog entirely. Because he convinces Bo to leave the fight and go rescue Lauren. But first she stops to pick up the necklace Lauren gave her. It’s a labrys, which is the Georgia O’Keeffe of pendant designs.

So she runs off to save her Hotpants, but not before a good, long reconciliatory hug with Kenzi. Once at Massimo’s, Bo and Lauren flirt because if you can’t flirt when the world is ending when can you? You can also see Bo mentally calculating how much fun they’re going to have in the bedroom with Lauren’s new handcuff slipping abilities. But first, they have to get rid of the crying baby.

It involves a complicated game of suck and blow that ends up with Massimo accidentally killing his mommy. But Bo is able to save her, by convincing Massimo to give her his chi. But, heavens, that Lauren is sneaky. She five-finger discounted the Mass-hole’s precious Twig of Zamora. And thus ends Subplot B. Well, at least this season cleaned up its messes. Rainer: gone. Massimo: gone. Let’s start next season with a nice, clean slate, yes?

Bo and Lauren have a lesbian feelings processing session afterward. Never mind the arrival of a zombie army, we have BIG GAY FEELINGS to discuss. Lauren even goes and makes our heart get extra-flamey warmed by telling Bo, “I’m yours.”

Hugs, kisses, a million happy sighs from the Doccubus fans later, Bo leaves to go avert apocalypse and stuff. But Kenzi already has already made fate her bitch. She realizes Bo’s heart isn’t the one in her chest, but the Kenzi-sized one always right next to her. Yes, she is the key. She will close the portal and stop the Pyrippus. If you aren’t getting major Buffy Season 5 vibes, you need to do another marathon re-watch, STAT.

It’s terrible. It’s heroic and beautiful and amazing. But terrible. Still, there is hope. Kenzi has a plan. She knows Bo will never stop trying to find her heart. And now that Tamsin has taken Rainer’s soul back to Valhalla, finally, she is allowed back inside. So if she dies on the battlefield, Tam-Tam will be the one to take her there.

Bo cries. Dyson cries. Everyone with a heart cries because, indeed, Kenzi is the heart of this show. But Tamsin has a warning for Dyson, after dropping her off at Valhalla. Bo can’t rescue Kenzi or find the Hell Shoe for some reason. Yeah, good luck stopping her. I don’t know about you, but I really can’t wait for Lost Girl: Breaking Into Heaven next season.

So there you have it. Thanks for playing along all this season (and again for the Syfy season). Let’s meet back for Season 5 in a few, eh?

p.s. If you want a Magical Vagina Labrys “Freedom to Love” necklace like Bo’s of your very own, they go on sale today at lostgirlshop.com. All proceeds of the sale will go to Plan Canada’s “Because I am a Girl” charity, which is dedicated to empowering women and girls by promoting gender equality. The limited-edition necklace will come with a signed photo by Anna Silk and Zoie Palmer.

#FAEBIANS TWEETS OF THE WEEK: — Jessica (@JessicaDWork) April 8, 2014

– Catherine (@CMeushaw) April 8, 2014  

       

BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

READ THE FULL LOST GIRL EPISODE 4.13 RECAP HERE.

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