Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of “Lost Girl.” Read the full episode recap here.
So, when last we saw them Bo had jumped off and Dyson and Jenny had jumped on the Death Train. When next we see Dyson, he’s getting ear sex from Cleo Schecter. But it’s OK because it is only a plot device about needing an elemental to get on and off the train.
When next we see Bo, she has landed back in the present without an elemental but in what seems to be a feminine hygiene commercial. Oh, please, you thought the same thing when you saw the flowy nightie and verdant woods. She stumbles her way into an abandoned mini-castle. But then in an unfortunate Goldilocks situation, the three home owners return home. And Bo promptly gets clocked on the head with a frying pan by their daughter, who just so happens to resemble a younger, funnier Megan Fox.
The family owns the estate and goes there once a year to escape a so-called ghost that haunts them. And you thought your parents’ excuse for taking a nice weekend away together was lame. But of course, it’s not a ghost. It’s a Fae body jumper.
Back in the Diner of Bad Wigs, Lauren is getting flirted with hardcore by Crystal. And because Crystal comes in the form of Betty McRae, it totally works. After some obligatory protestations, Lauren relents because Crystal mentions the most powerful of lesbian aphrodisiacs: beer and pizza.
The irresistible combination of melted cheese and hops does its work, and soon Lauren and Crystal are doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Well, if the Discovery Channel had shows about lesbian sex instead of like 40 shows about mining for gold in weird places and 20 shows about moonshiners in backwoods places. Also, let’s please give a slow clap to Syfy for not cutting that scene. A grateful nation thanks you.
Meanwhile, in Lauren’s actual apartment the Morrigan has moved in, minus one eye. She takes over Dr. Hotpants’ pad and goo-ifies a few people along the way. Lauren is never going to get her security deposit back. Evony’s first order of business is to get her eye back. So she calls on Mossimo the Druid to do some ocular voodoo. He gets all weepy and asks if he can move back in. But this is Evony, not the Howard Johnson. So that’s a no.
By now lil Megan Fox, who has been possessed by the jumbee who, it turns out, was murdered by the girls’ ancestors. So she has sought her revenge on all of her family through the years. But Bo is able to stop the cycle of revenge by reuniting her in death with her also murdered fiancé. We’re all just going to pretend the part where she sorta kinda married Dyson to break the curse never happened.
With the mystery solved, Dyson, Bo and Cleo Schecter leave. But not before Cleo tries to double-cross Bo. But Bo doesn’t need that elemental because she already had the ghost one. I don’t make up these rules, OK? So it’s unsuccessful, but at least now we know who killed Jenny.
Meanwhile the post-coital glow is more like a flicker for Lauren. She arrives back at the diner the next day, only to find some has been calling for “Karen.” She tells Crystal she has to run. And then Crystal picks her up on the road in what seems like the start of a beautiful Thelma & Louise situation. But this time the double-cross sticks. And then Dyson drives by a kidnapped Lauren on the side of the road, and we all have found yet another reason to dislike that mangy dog.
TWEETS OF THE WEEK:
— The One & Only (@Zezlemet) January 28, 2014
— ANH (@anh62950) January 28, 2014
— Bridget O’Donnell (@bridgetodonnell) January 28, 2014
— Marika (@marika_l9) January 28, 2014
L word fans have been waiting years for Jenny to get smacked down. Leave it to #faebians to do the job.
— Michele Foster (@michele_foster) January 28, 2014
— Sionainn69 (@HAUSENsmeffer) January 28, 2014
BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK: