“Lost Girl” Recap (4.12): Mother, may I sleep with danger?

 
 

Also alarming is how and why Bo, Rainer and Rosette are all of a sudden sneaking around the Horse Women’s compound. Like, seriously, does that make any sense given the last thing Bo learned was she is the Keanu Reeves of Faedom? Whatever, just keep typing. Someone is playing the cello as they all stare at a mural of Pyrippus. I’m just going to have to assume the writers have taken to heart the David Lynchian philosophy of “Not Everything Has to Make Sense” with this season. I half expect the thing they’re looking for to be a blue box with a key.

But no, it’s some horse. Too bad they are in a room full of horse statues. The robed lady spots them and calls Bo “The Betrayer” and talks about death and destruction that will come if “It” comes. Wait, so they’re not worshiping this horse guy after all? There’s a fight, Bo recites the Zamora Family Code and one of the horse statue saddles pops open. Sure, why not? And inside it there is…a braid? Well, sorta. It’s a hand fasting. Hey, remember when Bo and Dyson sorta, kinda got married? Ditto.

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Bo returns home to find Kenzi, who has been doing her own reading up on prophecy. The gang’s all there – except her. Bo tries to comfort her, but Kenzi is having none of it. In fact she wants none of any of it at all. She demands Bo unclaim her. Bo says she won’t, but then relents. So Kenzi says they’re done and storms off. I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty awful.

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The rest unfurls really quickly. Massimo has captured Lauren. I’m not entirely sure how, but what else is new? He is ranting and raving about how he can’t get mommy’s love. I know he is supposed to be a terrifying madman, but mostly he just looks like a petulant 2-year-old. He is going to use Lauren to help get maternal respect, somehow. Lauren is scared, but defiant.

But then he brings out the Origin Seed and Lauren gets panicked. She tells him not to eat it, but just like a toddler he does it anyway. I know it possessed all the collective power of the Una Mens and all that jazz, but it’s really hard to be frightened of a seed. Anyway, Massimo chows down on it like a tasty midnight snack. But it gives him killer heartburn or something because his eyes get big and he keels over. Lauren is pretty horrified, but probably only because she feels bad that as a doctor she doesn’t have some Pepto-Bismol or Tums on her to give him. The Hippocratic Oath is no joke.

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So now it is wedding time for Bo. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but let’s perform a binding ceremony that may cause the dark lord of destruction to rise from the fiery depths, maybe? She tells Rainer it isn’t about love for her, he says it is for him. Rosette uses the braid of destiny to bind them and the deed is done.

And then Rosette breaks out into peals of laughter. Wait, are we on Punk’d? Is Ashton Kutcher here? Haha, you thought we’d have Bo marry this douche? But, alas, she did bind with him. And Rosette is laughing because those two idiots just unleashed the Lord of Darkness himself. See, this is what happens when you listen to total strangers bearing prophecies.

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The Dark Lord promised Rosette eternal life and power for helping release him from Hel. Same old story. But instead he makes her jump into the fire. And then Bo and Rainer’s hand marks start glowing. And below something busts out in a glowing fury. So, there you go. Welcome to your terrible mistake, Bo-Bo.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

Even in her sorrow, The Kenzster manages to bring out the snark. Love ya, Lil Mama.

“How have you been? Showing your new Lady Knight the sights?”

BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

Please, like I wasn’t going to play doctor one more time.

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