Back in the House of Pain, Kenzi is trying to be the hero of her own story. She calls Vex to help her eliminate her Massimo problem. See, this also makes sense. Bo lets her down. Dyson lets her down. Call your mascara buddy Vex for some good, old-fashioned murder. But he is reluctant, possibly because his middle name is Chauncey.
He relents and says he’ll take care of her Druid problem, but he wants to do it on his own. He promises to Instagram her the results in beautiful Kelvin-filtered glory. (I’m partial to Lo-Fi myself.) But Kenzi says no, she will not be sidekicked out of her own revenge fantasy.
They find Massimo, locked up and Kenzi is ready to cut out his tongue. But, TWIST, Vex stops her. I guess he is Massimo’s de facto foster dad. This I did not see coming because there isn’t a field left enough for this development to have come out of. I mean, I totally guessed the other surprise “twist” involving our little Druid. (Hello, mommy issues.) But this? Who now, what now, why now?
Kenzi is equally perplexed. I get that the writers couldn’t have Vex kill Massimo yet because he’s one of the Big Bads or whatnot. And I also get that they wanted to show Kenzi seemingly completely abandoned by her Fae friends. But Vex’s father-figure loyalty to Massimo is just too much of an obvious plot device to swallow.
Speaking of swallowing (rim shot!), Evony is having a screaming orgasm. Not the drink, the real thing. Literally. Lauren emerges from under the sheets all grins. Two points for authenticity, though minus half a point for not having her use said sheet as a face towel. Please, like you’ve never done it.
Evony practically starts singing “Like a Virgin” and gushes about Lauren’s, um, prowess. But something is different. She feels, salty. But in the literal sense not the spank me and call me Sally sense. Lauren tells her she’s sweaty, the result of having good sex i.e. sex with her. The doctor was in, indeed.
But Evony still feels funny. I know, it takes me a little time to regroup afterward, too. Sometimes I think I’m speaking but only unintelligible gibberish and monosyllabic sounds come out. Give it time. Turns out it isn’t just post-coital bliss she is experiencing. Nope, it’s called being human.
Lauren grins that Lauren grin and welcomes Evony to her world. The Morrigan is not pleased. In fact she tries to melt Lauren.
Lauren declares her failed attempt “adorable,” and it really is. A human Evony is one of the most delicious developments of this entire crazyboat (because of all the ships!) of a season. She demands to know how.
I could tell the complicated science of the thing. But in the end it boils down to this: Lauren has a magical vagina. (Slightly longer version: Her DNA was used to create an anti-Fae serum which was hidden in, you guessed it, Lauren’s magical vagina.) Evony’s face is all of our faces when we realize the exact delivery method.
An extremely self-satisfied Lauren is excited about the books that will be written about her discovery. She’ll write the first one. It already has a title: The Lewis Solution for Difficult Fae. Can I pre-order that on Amazon?