I don’t know what is happening to my emotions this episode, but I do know what is happening to my ladybits. If I am dreaming don’t wake me. Don’t ever wake me.
It should be noted that when Evony walks into this heavenly scene she is yelling at someone about not being able to make a waxing appointment. A waxing appointment for her down-theres. So, what follows is somewhat unfortunate, given its conditions. But, hey, what gal hasn’t bushwhacked a little in pursuit of her prize? Sometimes you gotta go through the jungle to find the hidden treasure. Ladies, back me up.
As I was saying, Lauren informs Evony that they’re celebrating. Lauren tells her she wants to join the Dark, officially. Know what I mean, know what I mean? Nudge, nudge. Say no more. She spins some yarn about feeling like a weak human in a Fae world and that Evony has given her strength. Proving that she is always, forever and delightfully That Girl, Evony is like, “Hold up, U-Haul, you’re not falling in love with me? I am not that lesbian.”
Still, while you sense she doesn’t entirely trust Lauren’s story about feeling respected and free and like herself yadda yadda, she also can’t resist. No one – no human, no Fae, hell probably not even Thor the Mighty God of Thunder himself – can resist The Palmer. With all due respect to Lena Headey, there is an answer to what happens when The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object. The answer is it sleeps with Dr. Hotpants.
Face it, ladies. No one can say no to Dr. Lauren Lewis in full seduction mode. Panty Status: Gone. Annihilated. OFF FOREVER.
OK. Well, now you can see why Lauren has the nickname Dr. Hotpants. Because everyone is hot to get into them this season. Thank you, I’ll be here all night.
So I don’t even really care about whatever other insane, random and seemingly nonsensical plot twists and hairpin turns happen this episode. Like, fine, Rainer and Rosette and Bo all go to some holistic spiritual center (address number 2015, by the way). I think that address is supposed to explain how they found it, but mostly it’s just out of nowhere. Inside they find sisters in robes who want to do hot yoga and worship a horse together.
Rosette jumps on the robed lady and says she was the one who attacked her earlier. The robed lady insists she’s never seen her before. But Bo puts the love touch on her and she tells her about The Great and Powerful
Oz Horse with power over life and death. She rambles on about dominion and blood and the Succubus. Bottom line, she tells Bo that the Pyrippus is her father. This is shocking to no one except Bo.
Naturally, Bo discusses this “revelation” with the people closest to her: Rainer and Rosette. Could Bo’s dad really be a horse? Is he as evil as legend says? Rainer thinks maybe the guy deserves a shot at getting a “World’s Best Dad” mug after all. Rosette pipes up with an addition to the prophecy.
Look, people, if you could please tell everyone ALL of the prophecy at once, that would make everyone’s life a lot easier. She tells them Bo’s bond with Rainer will release the Pyrippus from his prison. But if she doesn’t bond with Rainer, he will die. Let’s see: Save the boyfriend she barely knows or the father she doesn’t know at all? Let’s just say even an electron microscope couldn’t detect my emotional investment in this not-even-close-to Sophie’s Choice.