The plan, sketchy as it always seems, is to track the mail going to the head honcho with some heat signature tracker and… Oh, who knows. As long as it involves Kenzi calling the corporate setting “a yogurt commercial” and the nasal-y assistants “Man Drescher” and her status as “stalked like a celebrity at a Whole Foods parking lot,” I am just happy to be in on this crazy caper.
Kenzi drops in, literally, on Darren the boss’ office only to find legs–so many legs. They’re all neatly suspended in giant vials and it’s how I imagine Hannibal Lecter decorates his living room. Their sleuthing also finds a pearl in the salt-water pool’s filtration system and some plants also in water vials. Lauren asks for a sample and Dyson obliges with “Flowers for my favorite doctor.” This playful banter between dueling exes elicits a much-deserved eye roll from Lauren. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again–I actually enjoy the back-and-forth mutual admiration/mutual disdain society these two have going on this season. I especially like it when Lauren calls him “pool boy.”
The pearl turns out to not be a pearl, so no earrings for you, Kenz. Instead it’s a crystalized salt deposit which makes Dyson freak out. OK, OK, so they’re fake pearls. Don’t get your panties in a wad about it or Kenzi will have to steal them and you know they’re not nearly as nice–or clean–as Lauren’s.
The crystalized salt deposit is from not a flesh eater or a Sharknado, but mermaids. Yes, kiddies, we’ve gone full-tilt Little Mermaid up in here. Kenzi is beyond excited because everything’s better down where it’s wetter, amirite? But Dyson tells her mermaids are the “psychopaths of the sea” and have no plans of dueting with a crab anytime soon. p.s. Nice combing their hair with forms foreshadowing from last episode.
Before we can go under the sea, we have to go back to the Love Train. We should just rename this show Lost Bachelor and get it over with. Bo tries to stick a fork (fine, a knife) in their burgeoning relationship. Rainer seems pretty over the whole thing, too, until Bo lets her baby blues blaze. And then it’s, “Will you take this rose!?”
Back in Mermaid Incorporated, Kenzi is going to interview sass-istant Tad. Oh, hold up–Tad, like “tadpole.” I just got that. His job is to protect his boss from “the crazies.” He’s fiercely loyal because when he lost his legs to arterial disease in college Darren helped him and paid his medical bills. I don’t know why, but I blame ObamaCare.
On a train without universal healthcare, Rainer is finally revealing himself (not in that way, yet) to Bo. His power was foresight in battle. He used it to fight to end Light and Dark. He saw tyrannical rule on the rise. You know, normal first date chit-chat.
Then Rainer has an emo feelings fit, banging on his organ (not that kind, yet) and talking about how he can’t remember and it’s driving him crazy. Bo naturally falls for him right then and there because who can resist a tortured fixer upper, right? Not these baby brown-blues, that’s for sure.
So, I know that this big reveal is supposed to explain why Bo considers Rainer her “destiny,” and new love monkey. But I still don’t get it. Sure, dude has good delts and decent triceps. Yes, he also wants to tear down the Light and Dark two-party system. But you don’t go voting willy-nilly for some strange new third party candidate when you have two strong and experienced competitors waiting for you at home. Sorry, I’m still a little pissed at Nader voters from 2000.
Right, where were we? Oh, mermaids. Kenzi has snuck back into the place where Rockettes go to die when a weird, cold-as-a-fish signature comes up on the heat monitor. It’s Darren, and he makes Kenzi start to cough up water. Is that their power? Gross.