“Lost Girl” recap (4.07): Draw me like one of your French girls

 
 

At that same split-second in the mixed-up past a post-coital Lauren/Flora responds to a knock at the door. It’s Prince Vex and his Castilian lisp come to court Flora. She obliges, and blindfolds him so she can properly check out his merchandise. Minds out of the gutter, I meant the shoes.

He catches her, Bo/Dyson catches him with a right hook. And then Bo/Dyson gets the bright idea to have Lauren/Flora put on the Hell Shoes to escape with them undetected. Except these are some truly killer flats. As soon as she puts them on her eyes go, well, evil. And then her feet burn. Poor girl has been reverse Cinderella-ed, because the Hell Shoes were not intended for her and now won’t come off.

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Right, so I know we’re all still trying to process what just happened. Bo did Lauren as Dyson. I know, I know – this is a love triangle on the brown acid they warned people about at Woodstock. It’s so trippy it’s hard to care even a little about Dyson’s impending execution which we all know won’t happen because they’ve also now threatened to execute Kenzi. Kill the dog, sure – I mean, they did it in Old Yeller. But hurt the Kenzi? Inexcusable! (Just kidding about killing the dog – never kill the dog. I hated Old Yeller.)

Dyson isn’t worried either. He’s impressed. Kenzi snuck in through the sewers (to mask her scent, among other things) and he thinks it’s time he start training her in earnest to have a place among the Fae. He wants to train her to become a Shadow Thief which, indeed, sounds like a bitchin’ Xbox game.

Back in similarly stinky period France, Bo/Dyson follows a trail of bloodied bodies searching for Lauren/Flora. The Oracle appears and tells her it’s time to cut the string and get the hell out. She also has some choice hygiene tips for 19th Century French people.

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Bo says she can’t leave yet because she doesn’t have enough to clear Dyson’s name. Also there’s a weird coach walking around in a track jacket with a slop bucket that doesn’t make any damn sense. The Oracle calls Bo brave for staying, and something else. Something new. But she’s not about to stick around to find out what that is and unties her string.

The Oracle wakes with a start in bed next to a still unconscious Bo. She is frantic to leave, ranting about everyone being dead now because of those damn shoes. But Lauren demands she “Get in bed!” which normally would be enough to weaken anyone’s knees, but in this instance is filled with pure desperation.

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Bo is trapped inside Dyson now – you can see why Lauren might be a little desperate to rectify this situation. You know, aside from the fact that without her Bo will likely go insane, I’m really going to miss the Oracle. So few people employ the term “suck my left tit” with such aplomb. Also, you’ve got to love how this show calls back to characters from seasons long past and uses the same actors to do so. That is mad fresh continuity, yo.

Back in Dyson’s memories, Bo has found Lauren/Flora – or should I say the WolverLauren? Flora and her knuckle claws have cut a bloody swath of destruction through the city. She can’t stop, she won’t stop. It’s her party and she can do what she wants, Miley said so.

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Then, well, then Lauren and Bo fight. Admit it, no one trolls harder than Lost Girl writers. Have everyone jump into everyone else’s bodies? Of course! Have Kenzi and Dyson make out? You betcha! Have Lauren kiss Evony? Damn tootin! Have Dyson do Lauren? Hell yeah! Have Bo and Lauren duke it out? Abso-freaking-lutely! It’s like they want us to lose our damn minds.

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