“Lost Girl” recap (4.07): Draw me like one of your French girls

 
 

ZUT ALORS! A few very important safety precautions before we start. 1) If you are standing, please sit. 2) If you are sitting, please lie down. 3) If you are lying down, please prop pillows around your body. 4) Regardless of your position, please make sure you have smelling salts nearby. OK, everyone properly situated? Remember, this is for your own health and well-being. Also, I cannot be held liable for any falling, fainting or other forms of loss of consciousness that may befall one because of what happens in this episode. You have been warned.

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When last we saw Bo, she was caught by the Una Mens in a post-compromising position with Dyson. Una Swinton said the Wolf had broken the Codex of Laws and everyone was all snarly. So, naturally, when next we see Bo she and Kenzi have kidnapped a monk. OK, it makes more sense if I tell you they’re trying to get information from him on where the Una Mens took Dyson. Long story slightly shorter, Dyson isn’t imprisoned for doing the nasty with a Dark Fae, but for being nasty and killing humans and Fae alike in 1899. So he is set for execution without trial.

Bo is all, whoa, I forgot how old my boink buddy is. But also knows that is something Dyson would not do, no matter how long in the tooth that old wolf really is. But, these Una Mens means business. And to show us how much they mean business we witness the sacrifice of the Scavenger, who gets summarily dismissed, permanently. Look, I’m by no means on Team Wolf, but I also don’t want to see the D-Man get shafted like that. None of that was as dirty as it sounded, I swear.

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So, who do you call when your ex-boyfriend and current friends-with-benefits gets slated for execution? Your ex/possibly current/certainly interested girlfriend. Man, there are not nearly enough Facebook relationship status update options for the complicated couplings on this show.

Bo thanks Lauren for coming, and Lauren says of course I came. Again, none of that was as dirty as it sounded. Bo says she wasn’t sure Lauren would still help Dyson what with the whole Bloods v. Crips thing the Light and the Dark have going. But Lauren says, don’t be silly, Dyson is family. I mean, that dirty dog is hundreds of years old – you know he got drunk and switched teams at least once during all those centuries.

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Bo confesses the Una Mens caught Dyson with her, in the dirty sense. Lauren says oh. And then proceeds to put probes down Bo’s cleavage, which elicits an automatic Succubus smile. Can you blame the girl? Lauren apologizes for the accidental breast graze and Bo says, honey, never apologize for touching my fair ladies. Oh, believe me, the boob jokes have only just begun.

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But the moment is broken by the Oracle (remember her from Season 1?), who tells them to save the soy candles and Tegan and Sara music for another time because she has places to go and people to channel. Lauren finishes prepping them with the equipment she took without asking from the Dark. This whole think Dark to be Dark Lauren is really growing on me.

The Oracle is there to help Bo go back into Dyson’s memories. Which is good, because she says even she can’t see into the black hole of Bo’s memories. Then there’s some conversation about how she thought Bo was The One to lead the Fae to freedom. I’m pretty sure Keanu Reeves just woke up in a cold sweat. Oh! Guest star idea: Carrie Anne Moss. Think about it, Lost Girl.

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Lauren brings out the final component for the memory channeling exercise: The Red String of Fate. The Oracle yells, “Hold up, not cool, we might as well be on American Horror Story: Asylum and lobotomize Bo right now.” Lauren’s yells back, “Shut up,  I’m not that creepy Nazi sanatorium doctor who I can now no longer think of as the kindly old farmer from Babe. This is the only way.”

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