“Lost Girl” recap (4.02): All Aboard the Love Train

Cleo tells Dyson he’ll need a train ticket, and Dyson just happens to have one, thanks to Tiny-now-Teen Tamsin. Kenzi is wary of Cleo because she’s seen all six seasons of The L Word. Also Mia Kirshner’s skin is suspiciously flawless. Drinking the emotional blood of your lesbian enemies is apparently good for your pores.

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Dyson and Cleo are about to get their ticket punched when Lauren/Amber/Karen calls to check in. He says he doesn’t know if she’s the best rival or the worst, but best probably to stay away from here just in case. M’kay? OK, so it’s really under the guise of being for her safety. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

But holy dildo double-cross, Batman. Now Cleo gets a call (nice Bluetooth cigarette, by the way) from Vex who offers her double to find Bo and deliver her to him instead. See, I told you, when you see Jenny run, don’t walk. Cleo accepts, but makes a solemn promise to find Bo to Dyson. Find her, yes. Deliver her, not so much. So they hop on board the Death Train and get ready for a wild ride.

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At A Great Place to Flirt With Cute Lesbians, Lauren/Amber/Karen are finishing copious shots with Crystal. When she gets up to pee, Lauren/Amber/Karen snags her phone to delete the video. But, denied, it’s password protected. She tries, “Shit,” because she’s Lauren and, as I’ve mentioned before, adorable. Crystal walks back and informs her it’s “Toad,” her old dog’s name. Lauren/Amber/Karen tries to make an excuse about wanting to check the weather app. It’s sunny with a 100 percent chance of being totally busted.

Lauren/Amber/Karen confesses that if the video is released, bad people will come for her. Without any more questions, Crystal deletes the video. It earns her a spontaneous and heartfelt hug. Oh, honey child, that hug.

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Crystal eagerly informs her she has over 30 Instagrams of gas station sandwiches she could also delete in exchange for hugs and/or more. So Lauren/Amber/Karen comes cleans, and introduces herself properly. And if you think you like Lauren now, Crystal, just wait until she loses the wig.

Just as Dyson and Cleo hop on the Inter-Dimensional Death Train, Bo is hopping off. She snacks on the maid, and then takes a leap of faith into the darkness.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

I’m totally going to look for this on Etsy.

Trick: This place is a death trap.

Kenzi: Remind me to embroider that on a pillow.

BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

Oh, Bo-Bo, we’ve missed you so.

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