Hey, look at that, everyone finally remembers that the lead character of this whole damn show actually exists. And they’re really sorry they forgot her. Whew, because it would have been strange to have to rename the show. Though, I will say, Lost Hotpants has an undeniably enticing ring to it.
Dyson arrives on the scene of his Thelma & Louise reenactment with Tamsin. He’s reliving the magical moment of impact to find clues of where she went when he hears some twigs snap. What could it be? A deer? A cat? A mini-Tamsin? Dyson reaches into some brush to find out and gets a bite on the hand for his troubles. Yep, it’s definitely Tamsin.
Or more like the Wild Tamsin of Borneo. She’s a little bush baby–all tangled hair and trademark scowl. Dyson isn’t entirely sure what to do with her. Come on, Wolf Boy, this should be in your blood. Hello, Romulus and Remus? Bad dog.
Back at the Suck Shack, Kenzi is preparing the love nest for Bo’s (hopefully) imminent return. Champagne, chocolate (lube and actual) and Victoria’s Secret runway models are in order. Dress the room for the job you want, not the job you have, eh? But then Dyson brings Tiny Tam instead. I know Valkyrie have many lives, but how can they be sure this is the one and only Tamsin? Lil T throws a knife at the wall and is all, “Get in losers, we’re going playing” and we all know. It’s her.
Tiny Tam’s outburst distracts the gang from a ringing cellphone. On the other line is Lauren/Amber/Karen. She’s a waitress at “A Great Place to Meet Your Friends” called Ronny’s. More like a great place to experiment with bad wigs and embroidered denim shirts. A familiar-looking blonde walks up behind her and touches her on the arm, causing Lauren/Amber/Karen to jump back in shock.
In her defense, you’d be shocked too if Betty McRae walked up to you in some dive diner and straightened your nametag. But it’s not Betty, it’s Crystal and she wants to do anything she can to “help” Amber. Like, perhaps, help her out of those skinny acid-wash jeans. As a for instance.
Trick is now in on the babysitters club with Tiny Tam. Everyone is all no-tagbacks about who should have to watch her. Dyson wants Kenzi to watch her so he and Hale can
go off on a bromance weekend go to find Bo together. Kenzi is all no me gusta, I don’t do children as I am only slightly taller in stature than they are.
Plus, something is clearly wrong with this kid. I’ve never met a child who wasn’t able to master playing YouTube videos after five minutes of using an iPhone. I’ve also never met a child who was that entranced by a teddy bear dancing Gangnam Style. Though, it could have been worse, it could have been the Harlem Shake.
Trick just wants everyone to shut up because he’s finally figured out that Bo isn’t on this physical plane. And, as if on cue, we see Bo wake up to find herself on some other plane–make that a train. Oh, oh–is it the Hogwarts Express? Because I have this crazy dream where Dr. Lewis becomes a mentor to Hermione and then they get a spin-off called Smartypants & The Witch Apprentice. Fine, the name needs work.
So Trick has figured out Bo is in some other dimension, but he hasn’t figured out how to end an encounter with Bo’s mother without bloodshed. Dyson sees his war wounds, but it’s one of those many things that “Bo must never find out.” Yes, the building blocks of any healthy relationship are secrets and lies. Or was that the opposite?