Lauren tells him she doesn’t respond to blackmail. But he says he doesn’t care about her past, knows she can use a fresh start and this is her chance at freedom. His offer seems tailor-made for a woman in indentured servitude who seeks space. Too tailor made. He tells her he just gave her the one and only copy of her file. Yes, of course, there’s only that one copy that will and shall ever be because there’s no such thing as digital records and/or photocopies and/or the Internet. Lauren’s all, is this dude for real? And we all scream at our screens, “No, he isn’t! Never trust anyone who isn’t a lesbian with a Justin Bieber haircut. Run! Run! Run!”
Bo is still in the evil witches circle. Which is ridiculous ‘cause witches they were persecuted and Wicca good and love the earth and woman power and I’ll be over here. The lead witch Caroline, who also happens to be wearing the necklace that invoked the Duppy, wants to do away with Sam, the peeping tom neighbor/red herring. But Bo can’t break out of the circle to stop it, so she gets the women to turn against each other.
This works great because deep down we all want to yell at whoever is making us eat god awful gluten-free bread. But then the subordinate friend, Susan, turns dominant being and channels the demon-voiced entity that keeps turning Bo into a super succubus. It’s clearly her dad, and he rumbles on about the world bowing down before them soon. Look, I get that you want to bond with your daughter after all these years, but how about taking her out to a nice brunch first before plotting total world domination.
Then the two women burn up into a cloud of cinders, night becomes day again and “The Wanderer” keeps playing on the Carousel. As an act of mercy, Bo sucks the remaining witches’ chi out of the Duppy, letting her rest for good. And then burns her necklace so she can never be summoned again. And she finally admits to herself that she’ll be around for hundred of years out loud. Right, so that’s over.
Wait, you thought this whole episode was over? Heavens no, we have so many more subplots to finish up. Dyson and Tamsin head out to the crime scene. She tries to tell him about the “serious shit” that’s about to go down, i.e. I stole two of your hairs and used them in a bottle with some other hairs to help me deliver Bo to some mystery man. But he’s too busy focusing on the killing field in front of him. It smells like death. So what you’re saying is, not a great place to plan a picnic then?
Bo confesses to Kenzi that she saw a vision of her father while she was in the
Yawning Dawning. Now she is determined to find him. But first Kenzi says she must deal with her other unfinished business: The Break. She urges her to confront the situation and rip it off like a bandage. Can’t we heal it like a bandage? Anyway, she agrees and calls the Doc to figure out if this “break” needs an “up” at the end.
Lauren picks up her phone. But it’s not Bo on the other end. It’s a suspiciously eager Dr. Taft. He’s there to pick up her suitcase, shine her shoes, detail her car. Anything to get her to come with him. She says she’s ready, even put a month’s worth of cat food in the bowl. Lesbians everywhere gasp in horror. Relax, she doesn’t have a cat so you can stop speed dialing PETA. Dr. Taft says this is the start of something big, and to trust him. Hey, I’ve seen this movie before. RUN, LAUREN, RUN!
Instead she takes off her servant to the Ash pendant, leaves her phone on the table and gives her apartment one last look before turning off the light. Just as the door closes behind her who should call? Poor Bo. I have to say, cold move, Lauren/Karen. Leave without telling her and without the ability to contact you while you’re gone. There’s wanting space and disappearing. This is the latter.
Back in the worst picnic location ever, Dyson and Tamsin have uncovered a mass grave filled with dead Light and Dark Fae. The victims include the Fae that killed Bo’s previous feed. They realize something is hunting the Fae, and don’t realize it’s also watching them from a camera in a tree. Gosh, I’m really glad this show was renewed for a fourth season. Because there is no way after this whole episode of mostly set-up and filler that they can wrap up all these big-time storylines in just two episodes.
KENZISM OF THE WEEK:
Admit it, we all want to be Super Kenz.
“Alert the neighborhood watch. Hotties be invading.”
BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:
Bend and snap!