Lauren brings the horny teenagers back to the SuccuShack, where a confused Vex and Kenzi don’t have time to consult the latest Teen Beat to see what to do when your hottie starts acting like a nottie because a crazy pigman busts in trying to sniff them out. They’re no match for him until Kenzi picks up the magic staff and knocks him out.
Small glitch in their giddyup, now Kenz can’t put let go of the big wood. Her hand is mystically crazy glued to the shaft. And as Vex knows from experience, that’s mighty painful. Kenzi calls the whole situation “the worst handjob ever” and by my count that means there are only three possible dick jokes left in the repertoire for the show to use.
Our horny trio of teens is busy demanding pizza and not caring about dead manpigs in the living room, so the humans and impotent are left to puzzle alone about what is causing all this immature wonkery. And then Lauren finds a pustule behind Vex’s ear and we all hurl because isn’t pustule like the grossest word ever?
The parasite was, big surprise, planted by the Morrigan to sap Bo of her Fae powers by turning them into nympho adolescents. Vex strikes a deal to wipe them out at their weakest in exchange for his titles restored, $1 million in cash and his club back. Vex is going back to the dark side? Think of all the makeup tips Kenzi will never learn now.
Our two favorite human ladies are at a loss of what to do. Kenzi is harping on Lauren, about her stuck-on stick and everything else for that matter. And Lauren gives it right back saying how Kenzi just flits through life without responsibilities yet everyone loves her. And then the truth comes out. Kenzi thinks Lauren thinks she’s too good for her. Lauren thinks Kenzi thinks she’s not good enough for Bo. Both their issues are born out of insecurity, jealousy and fear of losing Bo as a friend/lover. And then they both realize it together. Character growth, guys. Group hug, group hug.
The teen trio has become a duo, as Dyson is passed out and Bo and Tamsin are exchanging secrets like girls at a slumber party. Tamsin confesses she’s a Valkyrie. Though, she’s a little fuzzy herself on what a Valkyrie is, exactly. (That would be the mythical Norse warrior women who chose who dies on the battlefield.) She wants to share another secret with Bo, but doesn’t think she should. So they agree to write it down in poetry, but the real kind that rhymes.
Lauren and Kenzi continue their bonding over bratty teenagers. Lauren is pretty sure she can cobble together an antidote with some cooking supplies and lubricant. There’s a food porn joke in their begging to be made. But first she needs a swab from the horndogs. Kenzi doesn’t think she should risk it alone, but she is steadfast. And returns, though not without ripped clothing and a vow never to speak of what happened. p.s. RIP Lauren’s badass brown leather jacket. We will honor your beauty forever.
As she works on the magical maturity potion, Lauren confesses her skills are in part picked up in the field – that field being Afghanistan. A doctor, a veteran, a hotpants – what can’t this lady do? Kenzi is impressed and asked why she never mentioned it. Well, there’s that bit about never asking. This could be a mutual understanding and acceptance PSA.