“Lost Girl” (4.3) recap: It was the best of lesbian times, it was the worst of lesbian times


In the Diner of Lesbian Fandom Crossovers Lauren is being so delightfully Lauren by organizing the condiments. Crystal walks in and smiles because what else can you do when Lauren begins discussing the stability of carbonic acid in the middle of a shitty little greasy spoon? But, no, we won’t be discussing her peasant blouse. Some stuff is better left unsaid.


Crystal pulls of the let-me-reach-over-you-and-casually-graze-your-boob move to get to the newly organized sugar. That old chestnut. And then we’re all like, “Holy shit, Lauren and Betty are totally going to kiss! This is awesome. Wait, I’m a Doccubus shipper. Hold up, this is cross-fandom history. Stop being such a turncoat. Shut up, let it happen.” But in our heads.


Lauren says, “I can’t,” despite the country song crooning “We will be together” in the background. Then Ronny himself rings the bell and declares the break over and moment passed. But Crystal continues to look at Lauren like she’s a cut of prime USDA beef and her loins are a Weber. Also, no, we won’t be discussing her acid-wash denim-cloth skirt. Again, better left unsaid and so on.


Bo wakes up to find Megan Fox Lite and her mama knitting. Yes, knitting. This is what we’ll all be reduced to when the wi-fi goes out and the zombies come. Bo’s brain is a hurting and her head is jumbled with thoughts of a train and Lauren and why she isn’t making love in a train cross-country with Lauren circa 1990 Madonna.

Papa comes in from hanging the strangest line of laundry (all shoes, no socks) up as a perimeter around the house, while walking backwards no less. He’s a little agro and keeps yelling at Bo to leave. Megan Fox Lite notices Bo noticing her dad and tells her to stop staring at him like he’s made of hotdogs. OK, I like her. I also liked the movie Jennifer’s Body. But that’s another discussion for another day.


Back on the Train to Nowhere Dyson does a lot of yelling and sniffing and growling. The maid who Bo snacked on is still passed out and cooing about her kissing abilities. They realize Bo’s no longer on the train and Cleo frets about her well-being because dead Succubi don’t fetch top dollar like the live ones. And since she jumped off without an elemental there’ll be stomach cramping and death. Does one naturally lead to the other? This is making me nervous and want to stock up on Pepto-Bismol in case of aforementioned zombie apocalypse.

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