Lesbianing with AE! Phone Sex 101

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Dear Lindsey,

My partner is spending three months in the UK for a work assignment and we’re looking for tips on how to stay connected while she’s away. Do people still have phone sex? Can we dirty sext? Write erotic emails? I’ll be going over for a visit at the end of her trip, but neither of us wants to be celibate (or open the relationship) while she’s gone…

-Curious Couple

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YES to all, CC.

You can write erotic emails. You can have phone sex. You can dirty sext. Provided for all three that your partner is using her private email or cell phone, and not a company-provided device, and that your girl isn’t sexting on company time.

But I don’t think you wanted my permission, I think you wanted my advice, so…

Give sexting a try before your girlfriend head overseas, if you don’t already send each other dirty messages. Which is really all sexting is!

Sexting can be as innocent as saying “I’m lying here thinking of last weekend” (Hi pervy coworker! Yeah, last weekend when we ran that 5K together!!) or as hardcore and obvious as saying, “I’m so horny thinking about your amazing ass/perfect body/soft curves. When you get home I’m going to tie you to the bed and make you come so hard with my mouth/fingers/fist/all of the above.”

Then you can talk about what you like, what you don’t like, how it felt to read that sext in the grocery line. You know, work out the kinks before she goes.

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin gives some super-simple sexting scripts to get you started with sexting if you don’t know wth to say. Take a similar approach with phone sex. And if you’re worried about blushing or looking dumb, don’t Facetime/Skype.

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For erotic emails, write whatever turns you/her on. If you develop writer’s block, describe a favorite memory you have of the two of you together. Retell a special time together using descriptive language and emotion. Or invent something you’d like to do together (bonus points if it’s a fantasy she’s mentioned to you or vice versa), use your imagination to describe how it might work, and email that. You could also co-write an erotic story and make a game out of it. Write a paragraph, email it to your partner, have her fill in the next paragraph, and so on.

I assume you’re worried about any work-related ramifications for your partner, i.e. a coworker seeing a sext/dirty pic you send, or your girlfriend leaving up an erotic email while taking a bathroom break, and not any negative ramifications for yourself. If so, let your girlfriend set any rules for her comfort and job security and shift them as need be.

Treat this like a fun puzzle to solve together, and not like a relationship-killing challenge, and HAVE FUN! Creatively approaching constraints like this can help you two grow closer together despite your temporary distance.

Do you have a question for Lindsey? Email our editor at memoree@afterellen.com with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line! 

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