Lesbianing with AE! “I’m a lesbian who doesn’t like giving oral.”

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Dear Lindsey,

Is there any hope for a lesbian who doesn’t like giving oral? Receiving it is fine; I enjoy it when it happens but it wouldn’t be something I asked for. I’ve had a few girlfriends who felt the same way so oral only happened now and then and that was fine. The woman I’m with now, though, it’s her favorite thing, and I don’t know if I am bored of it or bad at it, but my mind wanders and may jaw hurts and I would really rather not. I used to do it for a bit and then do other things, like use strap ons or scissor, but now she’s been asking for it more and more. I want to make her happy so I do it, but I don’t think I can see myself just eating her out for the long term. I don’t know if I can learn to like it more or if I’m just doomed. I feel like I’m not a real lesbian if I don’t like eating pussy, but this tongue is tired.

– Am I Weird?

Getty Images

Getty Images

Hey Weird,

You’re a real lesbian if you’re into dating and sleeping with women. Not loving oral doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian than, say, not wanting to scissor. You like what you like and oral’s not your favorite, but it doesn’t negate your sexuality.

For some women, the taste, smell, or presence of public hair can affect their experience going down on someone. If your girlfriend is super hairy, you might enjoy it more if she trimmed or if one of you can push the hair out of the way. Pubes in your mouth tend to take you out of the moment.

If there’s a strong odor or taste, you could encourage her to wash before you hop in bed (and not with any super chemical scented product, as she could wind up with BV) or to eat citrus, which some folks think make the vagina smell “fresher.”

You can also get around the smell, taste, and pubic hair with a dental dam (yup, some lesbians do use them and this is a perfect use case). Slap the dental dam over her nether region, then you can suck and lick away and she’ll feel the sensations through the barrier.

You can also get around the smell, taste, and pubic hair with a dental dam (yup, some lesbians do use them and this is a perfect use case). Slap the dental dam over her nether region, then you can suck and lick away and she’ll feel the sensations through the barrier.

if you’re doing it for so long that your jaw starts to cramp up, you might want to spend more time doing other things to warm her up. Use a vibrator or your fingers to tease her, so that by the time you reward her with the oral she loves, she’s hopefully closer to orgasm. Or you could focus more on the clit when you’re giving oral; for most ladies, the clit is the key to orgasms through oral, so she’ll come faster and you can stop sooner.

All of this assumes that you want to get more comfortable giving oral so the experience feels good for your girlfriend and for you. If that’s the case, then pick one of these things to try, give it a try, and see if your experience of going down is different. Pick another tip, try it out, same deal. You might find that you’re still not a huge fan of oral, but it’s more enjoyable when she’s trimmed or you’ve got a dental dam or you both are really turned on before going down.

Since you’re going to be playing around with different techniques, I’d tell your girlfriend how you’re feeling. She might be able to sense that you’re not that into oral and she could be feeling self-conscious, which could drag out her orgasms. Get her on board with your plan to troubleshoot your oral ambivalence and it could bring you closer together.

Tell your girlfriend how you’re feeling. She might be able to sense that you’re not that into oral and she could be feeling self-conscious, which could drag out her orgasms. Get her on board with your plan to troubleshoot your oral ambivalence and it could bring you closer together.

If you try these tips and nothing changes for you, that’s fine too. Not enjoying oral might be the kiss of death for your current relationship, but you’ve dated women who are ambivalent about oral before and you can do that again. If you’d really rather not do oral, you don’t have to do oral frequently, if ever. No one is forcing you to eat pussy or hand over your lesbian card.

Have a question for Lindsey? Write to our editor at memoree@afterellen.com with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line, and she’ll answer it in a future article!

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