Lesbianing with AE! Having Sexy Dreams About Your Ex

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Lately I’ve been having a lot of super erotic dreams about my ex, who was the first love of my life. I’m single and casually dating a few ladies, but don’t have anyone as special as my ex. The sex dreams have me thinking, some part of me wants to get back together. Or is it just a hot fantasy? Is it wrong for me to picture the sexy dreams while in bed with another girl?

-Lusty

So many questions Lusty! Here’s my take:

Sex dreams about an ex. We’ve ALL been there. It’s weird, it’s confusing, and basically the first place your brain goes when that happens is “holy hell, do I want to get back together with her?!?!?!?”

You COULD be subconsciously wanting to get back together with your ex, but that’s not the only possibility. You could not be over her and processing the loss of a relationship. You call her the love of your life. If she was your first love and you haven’t been in love with anyone since, you could be missing that deep love connection.

Your ex could represent a subconscious desire to be in a more committed relationship, instead of in a relationship with your old girlfriend. Are you sick of casually dating and sleeping around? If you can’t muster the enthusiasm to swipe right on one more lady, it might be time to rethink what you’re looking for.

Your ex could represent a subconscious desire to be in a more committed relationship, instead of in a relationship with your old girlfriend. Are you sick of casually dating and sleeping around? If you can’t muster the enthusiasm to swipe right on one more lady, it might be time to rethink what you’re looking for.

Your ex could also symbolize something else in your life, something as benign as a hobby you enjoyed with her that you’ve stopped participating in recently, and miss doing.

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How’s the sex you’re having with these ladies you’re seeing? If you’re running a video of your sexy ex while you’re going through the motions with some random chick, maybe you’re just not having the sort of sex that you wanna be having. Feelings and chemistry are part of what makes steamy sex, uh, steamy, so if you’re having meaningless scissor sessions, you might wanna be pickier about who you sleep with – whether it’s waiting until you have an emotional connection or being more selective about the women you’re dating. If you don’t find them hot, you’re not gonna have chemistry in bed.

If you’re running a video of your sexy ex while you’re going through the motions with some random chick, maybe you’re just not having the sort of sex that you wanna be having.

Is it wrong for you to picture the sexy dreams while in bed with another girl? No, it’s not wrong. Lots of women indulge in fantasies during sex, and this includes fantasies of being with other people who turn them on.

Let yourself off the hook from feeling ashamed or weird about this right now. Then think about what the message is for you in this dream. If it’s a sign that you should focus on something else in your dating life or regular life, make that change. If it’s a sign that you’re not over that ex, keep doing the work of getting over her.

If you think you want to reach out to her, perhaps even try to reconnect, sleep on it. Opening that door can bring up a lot of difficult emotions and feelings you left behind when that relationship ended. Before you go there, make sure it’s right for who you are now.

Do you have a burning question for Lindsey? Write the editor at memoree@afterellen.com with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line, and your question will appear in a future Lesbianing with AE!

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