I have had a crush on my coworker for a few months now. It’s not a big office, so we interact every day and the sexual tension is palpable. She has, however, never dated a woman before (to my knowledge) and coupling that with the fact that we work together, it’s probably a bad idea to tell her how I feel, right? I am quite sure she feels something for me, but then again, I could be wrong. What’s your take?—Office Crush
You should probably not confess your feelings for this gal, due to the double whammy of her being entirely straight (to your knowledge) and how much it would suck if you did date and it didn’t work out and then your place of employment became a source of stress on top of everything else and all you want to do is sob quietly into your leftover quinoa.
This isn’t to dismiss your sexual tension or feelz, but it’s hard enough to date a woman who has never dated another woman before (and maybe doesn’t like women at all. It’s unclear what signs she might be giving you to the contrary). It’s super crazy hard to date someone you work with on top of all those other things.
It’s understandable that you might develop feelings for someone you see every day at work (same reason why we fall for roommates) and who probably does flirt with you somewhat, but there are also SO MANY other people in the world who, if the relationship ended, wouldn’t significantly impact your day-to-day life. Or, you know, your paycheck. I urge you to choose one of those people, OC.
Or, at the very least, wait for a much clearer sign she’s into women, specifically you. Tension alone won’t cut it. I’m talking about a verbal or written or face-mashing declaration.
illlustration by Natasha Miren Terbraak
We dated for six months. I ended it last week. Am I allowed to check up on her? She was really torn by our breakup and I am too, but I’m trying to be respectful of her space and needs. Is it OK for me to send a text asking how she is?—Concerned Ex
Don’t text her. Let her grieve. And let yourself move on. You wanting to text her is less about concern for her and more about concern for yourself. You feel guilty about ending the relationship, and you shouldn’t. You gave it a go and it didn’t work out. If she asked you for space, you should respect that. It’s not up to you to take care of her feelings. She’ll come to you when she’s ready. In the meantime, you do you. She’ll be OK.