Lesbian Scientistics: The “Rolling Stone” comedy issue

 
 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that lesbians love funny women. So when this week’s Rolling Stone showed up at Scientistics headquarters, we were beside ourselves with merriment, because Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman and Amy Poehler all made the cover (front, back and pullout) of the golden age of comedy issue.

Inside the magazine were loads more of our favorites: Mindy Kaling, Margaret Cho, Wanda Sykes, Phyllis Diller and Julia Louis-Dreyfus — an all-star comedy list!

We couldn’t help but notice that the funny guys got lots more coverage that the funny gals. How much more, you ask?

We didn’t dwell on that, though, because there was research to be done. Below we’ve condensed the content to help us determine which woman is funniest.

When I knew I wanted to be funny

Tina Fey: I knew I wanted to be funny around seventh or eighth grade. Mostly I wanted attention, and being funny was the most possible way for me to get it, I wasn’t good-looking enough that I would end up in Playboy at 19. That wasn’t gonna happen.

Sarah Silverman: When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I’ve been chasing it ever since.

Mindy Kaling: In junior high, there were a lot of really ugly guys who were popular because they were funny. I was like, “Wow, comedy is the great freer of hideous people.” It was an incredibly liberating thing. If you ask a girl, “What do you want in a guy?” 99 percent are like, “I just want him to be funny.” I thought, “If that applies to women, I’m set.”

My worst bomb

Phyllis Diller: We’ve all bombed. Even Jesus bombed.

Tina Fey: We used to do prom shows at Second City — a show at 2 a.m. for kids after their high school prom to keep them from drinking and having sex. So you can imagine how happy they were to be there.

Wanda Sykes: I was working in a club in Newark, and somebody bent over and his gun fell out on the floor. And everybody was checking their coats to make sure it wasn’t their gun.

Funniest TV Ever

Mindy Kaling: I don’t think a person could love something as much as I loved In Living Color. It was just this great mix of the Fly Girls, which is exactly the kind of body I had when I was 12, and it had Jim Carrey and the Wayans brothers. It was a meeting of all the things I ever dreamed of being.

Tina Fey: Even I have drifted toward reality TV. On some level, I am a lazy housewife, and I watch cooking shows. I don’t want to watch comedy. I get enough comedy.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: The funniest television that I’m watching now has to be Fox News.

The Internet:

Mindy Kaling: I don’t get a lot of time to go to a lot of stand-up, but I’ve been watching it on YouTube. This day and age, you can kind of see every stand-up show the next day because someone illegally taped it.

Amy Poehler: I find that most things are funnier live. Except for monkey’s sniffing their own but and falling out of a tree. That’s the only thing that translates. When you see monkeys scratching their ass and falling out of a tree live, you laugh, and when you see them on YouTube, you laugh.

In conclusion:

Agree or disagree with our choice? Who else should have made Rolling Stone‘s list? And would you not agree with out Scientistics team that the actual worst bomb is the Jager bomb?

 
 

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