AE: We need to talk about Big Boo’s screwdriver scene. Have you ever done a scene like that before?
LD: I’ve never masturbated on camera, no. This was my first time. When I was told that was what I was going to do, (before I even read the episode,) I jumped up and down like a little girl. I was that excited. Because I knew it was going to be something that people will remember. And indeed, it is.
AE: Was it mortifying to do it in front of the whole crew?
LD: The first take, I started laughing because I made the mistake of thinking about what I was doing. That’s a huge mistake when acting – you shouldn’t think about it. So, the first take was one of the first shots on our gag reel. It was me, starting to masturbate, and howling with laughter. It’s just like, “What am I doing? I’m getting paid to do this.” I can’t tell you how many people have asked me to autograph their screwdrivers.
LD: A woman who works at the hardware store around the corner from my house told me she was watching and waiting for me to walk by, so she could run out with a screwdriver, so I could sign it. It had an orange handle, which I thought was a nice touch.
What’s weird to me is that so many others come up to me on the street with a screwdriver and a Sharpie, and ask me to sign the handle. And I’m like, “Do you always carry around a screwdriver with you? Were you hoping you’d run into me?” You know, my comic mind goes right into action.
AE: I think if it’s lesbians, the answer is “yes.” They do just walk around screwdrivers. Who knows?
LD: It’s crazy, isn’t it? On the subway, in the San Francisco airport… I should be a spokesman for Craftsman tools or Black & Decker.
AE: I think if someone pulls a screwdriver on you in the subway, that’s not a good thing.
LD: Yes, screwdriver in the subway is generally a bad thing. But if they just want me to autograph it, I guess it’s okay.
AE: As long as they have a Sharpie, too. Can you tell me if they catch the chicken in Season 2? I need to know these things.
LD: Yeah, this is what I can tell you about Season 2: I am in it. That’s about all I can tell you.
AE: Okay, fine. Hypothetically, if they were to catch the chicken, would Big Boo be more likely to eat it, or train it to be an emotional support chicken?
LD: You know what? I think Big Boo is going to go with food every time, over emotional support. She’s already got Little Boo, so she’s got that thing all squared away. Plus, she’s got her little girl gang. Big Boo is a big member of the white gang in there, and she’s got dykes around her who are supportive. And Big Boo likes chicken. A lot. Besides, I don’t think Red is going to give her any. Red’s going to eat that whole chicken.
AE: But I wanted the chicken to wear a little vest that says, “Please don’t eat me, I’m working.”
LD: [laughs] That would be funny.
AE: Are we going to see any of Big Boo’s backstory next season?
LD: The only thing I can say about Season 2 is that I’m in it. And it comes out in 2014. That is the best I can do. I’m really sorry. As much as I want to tell everybody everything, I want to keep my job. I will say this about Season 2: It’s really good.
AE: Can you say if your character will be more prominent?
LD: All I can say is that I’m in it. And I’m great. I’m in it, and I am fucking great in this role.
AE: Fine. Hypothetically, who should Big Boo swirl with in 2014?
LD: Well, what am I, stupid? Piper. What am I, a fucking idiot? Piper! I want Big Boo’s love interest to be Piper. One, she’s the star of the show. Two, Taylor Schilling is smoking hot. I could do love scenes with her without even blinking.
AE: Which other prisoners would be good together?
LD: Let me see. Well, Little Boo and the chicken.
AE: Oh my God, yes! You should be writing the show.
LD: That would be a star-crossed endeavor.
AE: An inter-species romance.
LD: I think that would be great.
AE: I love this so much.
LD: Little Boo and the chicken, walking around together… walking around the track… eating corn…
AE: [laughs] Yes! Eating corn!
LD: [laughs] Hilarious.
Photo courtesy of Netflix