“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes one and two

 
 

Las Aparicio is sort of like … if you take Desperate Housewives and you kill off all the men and call it something entirely different, like: Lots of Widows and a Confused Lesbisexual. I’m sure that was one of the titles they threw around before settling on Las Aparicio. Aparicio is the family name. And it’s all about the women. Let’s meet the Fab Four:

Rafaela Aparicio – Matriarch, widow three times over, and badass rich lady. She’s all feminist wisdom and attitude. She’s all, “Grrrls, we don’t need no men. Burn them bras! RAWR!” But waaaay more subtle than that. ‘Cause she’s a lady. But she will cut you.

Alma Aparicio – She’s the eldest daughter. She one of those people that makes you feel really unproductive and like you haven’t done anything with your life. She’s a doctor (Ph.D. not M.D.) and she owns a gallery and she runs a male escort service and she teaches classes. See? Don’t you feel like a loser?

Mercedes Aparicio – Mercedes is the mother of one bratty pre-adolescent girl named Isadora, who will probably grow up to be awesome like her mother but isn’t quite there yet. Mercedes is recently widowed because her husband died while sleeping with another woman. Mercedes is a bit broken and confused and angry at her husband and also angry at men that treat women like crap. I love her sort of a lot.

Julia Aparicio – Julia’s the youngest daughter and so she’s not yet a widow because she hasn’t gotten married yet. But she’s dating a fantastical jerk who sleeps around on her. She’s got a lot of feelings about all of that. But mostly, she’s got a lot of feelings for her awesome lesbian best friend, Mariana.

The story of our beloved las Aparicio begins in the family mansion where there’s a party in full swing. Except, wait, it’s not a party. It’s a wake. It’s a wake for Mercedes’ husband (the one that kicked the bucket while doing the nasty with some other woman). Here is where we learn that the Aparicio women are rumored to be cursed because all of their husbands meet an untimely death. My guess is that Doña Rafaela is a retired wizard from Hogwarts and she put a spell on the family that would protect all the women from a-holes. But I doubt it’s a curse. It’s more likely that they all died from being stupid.

Throughout the next two episodes, the following stuff happens:

Mercedes

Isadora, Mercedes’ daughter, is angry and bratty about her father’s death and she naturally blames her mother. Mercedes doesn’t tell her daughter that her father was a lying, cheating jerkazoid. But Mama Rafaela is all like, “The girl needs to learn at an early age that men suck.” (But again, more subtle than that, because she’s classy). And she goes on to tell Isadora that her father couldn’t keep it in the pants. All her daughters are like, “OMG MOM!” But Rafaela stands her ground.

Mercedes goes on to visit her ex-husband’s law firm where she’s met with one of her husband’s partners who is very anxious to buy off her husband’s part of the firm. Mercedes probably would have sold it had the guy not been such a sexist ass. See, Mercedes has a lot of feelings. And they’re angry feelings. She does not, for example, like it when men belittle her, treat her and other women like objects/property, and act like they own the world.

So she decides that instead of selling her husband’s shares, she’s going to go back to work (she’s a lawyer) and take his place. This does not go over well with the men in the firm, who try to intimidate her into walking away. But after an inspiring talk with Rafaela – who essentially tells her to tell them to suck it (but again, classy-like) – she goes back to the firm and makes it clear she’s there to stay.

Alma

Meanwhile, Alma is busy juggling her three hundred jobs. One day, after class, one her students approaches her and they talk for a while. The woman confesses that her husband doesn’t make her feel desired and goes on to admit that she’s got this fantasy about being a prostitute. Alma tells her she can help. We eventually find out that she runs a male escort service. Although, it’s more of a Pleasing Women Through Their Fantasies service.

She trains the men herself, which confused me terribly at first, because we see Alma all dressed up in fishnet stockings and other Lady of the Evening-wear, getting picked up off the street by a guy in a car. Then they go to a room where they have sex. And I was like “What is going on here?” But then it all became clear. She was just training the new guy. Duh. The other thing to mention about Alma is that she picked up a guy in a bar and now he’s totally smitten with her and kind of stalking her, but in a sort of sweet way. Sort of.

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