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“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 52-54

Julia/Mariana (and Armando)

We kick off episode 52 pretty much where we left off episode 51, with Mariana still chatting with Hernan about life, the universe, everything. Hernan has a lot of questions and one of them is how, having been BFF for so long, Mariana and Julia suddenly realized that they wanted to do naughty things to each other. Well, he didn’t say it quite like that, but still.

And because no lesbian relationship in the history of lesbian relationships has ever been described as “simple,” Mariana says: “It’s complicated.” Is that what their Facebook status reads or are they saving that for later?

Mariana: In truth, I needed … no, I didn’t need … I was very clear on the fact that I’d been in love with Julia for a long time, that my life without her didn’t exist. But I needed someone from outside of our microcosm to tell me, so that I could react … and now I’m with Julia. And that other person … was Dany. My ex-girlfriend. The one who loves yoga.

Hernan: Ah yes! The one who loves yoga.

Mariana: So, now Julia and I are together.

Hernan: But, it’s the good kind of love? I mean, it’s the lasting sort, the one not dependent on passion … love.

Mariana: That’s actually the problem. It’s the best kind of love. The only kind of love. I think? I don’t really know the word, but it’s too good at times and I feel like the passion can ruin it because … Well, friendships last forever, but love between couples doesn’t.

Hernan: Well, that happens to all of us.

Yes! That reminds me of this one relationship I was in … but, well, it was complicated.

The next day, Julia is over at Casa Aparicio talking to Mercedes and Alma about relationships. Mercedes has Big Problems because she wants 24/7 nekkid time with Claudio, and around him she turns into a 21-year old wet t-shirt champion nymphomaniac that wants to kick everyone out of the office so she can … er, going over cases with him. Problem is she doesn’t trust him as boyfriend material.

Alma also has Big Problems because she wants Alejandro. I mean, Leonardo. I mean, Alejandro. Well, both. At the same time. Maybe. I’m not sure. She’s not sure. No one is sure. Look at him. Now back at me. Now back at him. Now back at me. I’m on a horse.

Julia, for a change, does not have Big Problems. She’s “cool” because she’s got all her feelings in order.

Julia: One of us three had to be totally clear and zen.

Heh. Heh. Oh, wait, I think she’s serious. HAHAHAHAHA!

Over at a nearby park, Hernan and Mariana walk together and Hernan tells Mariana some tales from when she was little. We learn that Mariana’s first word was, “No.” She liked to say no to everything, even soup. (Like Mafalda!) Her second word was, “Dad,” and Hernan is wondering when he’ll get to hear her say that again. Not quite yet. But they make plans to meet for lunch at Casa Aparicio.

Armando is still attending Alma’s class, and so is this other girl who’s trying to get a life for her clingy mother. I think he thinks she’s pretty. Alma thinks so too because after class she makes him write, “I will not check out hot chicks in Alma’s class,” a hundred times on the whiteboard. Also, I guess he’s invited to the meal at Casa Aparicio because he tells Alma he’ll see her there. Oh. Yay.

And indeed, over at Casa Aparicio, Armando helps clean some beans in an effort to be “productive.” Mariana arrives and seems somewhat surprised to find Armando there, given that the last time she saw him he was kicking her out of his apartment. He tells them that even if they don’t believe him, he’s intending to take them up on the offer of friendship.

A little later, Armando molests some beans while Julia and Mariana try to talk about Mariana’s day. Armando attempts to hold a conversation with Aurelia about himself and his classes at Alma’s because he wants to show everyone how enlightened he’s become. Mariana is irritated because mostly, she wants him to go away. But then, he starts comparing a bean to a woman’s G-spot.

Mariana: … the G-spot is not like a bean. And you’re only learning about this now? Poor you, all these years living in ignorance.

Armando: The G-spot is so wonderful that you only squeeze it and you can project or I don’t know, provoke, a lot of pleasure in a woman.

Mariana: Oh yeah? And how do you know about a woman’s pleasure?

Aurelia: Isn’t the G-spot something you find after many years… and a lot of experience?

Mariana: Well, how strange, because I found it right way, no, my love?

Julia smiles at that. And then Aurelia cuts the conversation short by asking Armando to set the table. Mariana, left alone with Julia, expresses her annoyance at Armando’s sudden interest in exploring his feminine side. Julia apologizes and agrees that he’s insufferable. But more than finding him insufferable, Mariana is suspicious of his intentions. Julia explains that he called to say he was bored and that he couldn’t do anything with his arm like that, and asked if she could teach him how to cook so he could do something productive with his time and she didn’t know how to say no.

Mariana: That’s the problem with you, Julia, you don’t know how to say no to that guy.

Julia says nothing because it’s true. I guess Julia’s first word wasn’t, “No.”

After dinner, Julia and Mariana are in the kitchen, helping with the dishes. Armando comes in and asks to help. They wonder at his desire to help with domestic tasks but he says that he notes them looking tired and wants to be of aid. Then Julia gets some soap in her eye and Armando beats Mariana to the punch in helping Julia. Mariana walks over to help but Julia doesn’t even notice her.

Mariana: I’m leaving, Julia.

Julia: What? Why?

Mariana: There are too many hands on one plate.

Way too many. Mariana storms off.

In episode 53, we pick things up a little later that night. Julia is at Mariana’s apartment and the two are arguing about the soap-in-the-eye incident. Julia doesn’t see what the big deal is.

Julia: It’s only Armando!

Mariana: Oh, it’s only Armando! Julia, you’re going to drive me crazy. I swear to you. You have to understand that he’s your ex-boyfriend. It’s logical that I’m like this.

Julia: You’ve said it. EX-boyfriend, which means past. And you’re now my girl, which means present. Don’t you understand the difference?

Mariana: Of course I understand, but I also see, very clearly, what his intentions are, and they’re not good. And honestly, I’m not cool with it, because I can’t stop thinking that he wants something with you and that there’s something there between you still. I just … no, no…

Blah. Blah. Lesbian arguments. Blah. Mariana tells her she’s had this argument before, with Dany, only that Julia was Armando. Julia asks how that argument ended and Mariana admits that they made up. Julia smiles and asks if she can please approach her now. Mariana, whose picture appears next to the definition of the word “whipped” (right next to Jane Rizzoli’s picture, actually), doesn’t say no, so Julia takes her cue.

Mariana says that dating Julia is difficult because she feels like Armando’s ghost is haunting everything. Julia finds this amusing. It takes 3.5 seconds of Julia touching Mariana to soften her up into a ball of goo. So, argument over.

The next day, the two of them are sharing a cute moment alone, which obviously means that Armando is about to show up. But first, Julia asks what Hernan and Mariana talked about the day before and Mariana confesses that they spoke about her and Julia’s relationship. Naturally, Julia wants to know what was said. Mariana tries to be vague, but that doesn’t work.

Julia: I mean, did you tell him about the whole process of how we went from being best friends to being in love?

Mariana: What? You mean you’re in love with me?

And then the cuteness shrivels up and dies because guess who’s there? Yes. Armando. On the plus side, no one is happy about it.

Mariana: No. It can’t be.

Julia: NooOoOoOoooo.

Armando shows up … with pie. Mmm, pie. Wait, what am I saying? It’s EVIL PIE. Armando made it with “love.” And by love, he means, “I made it so I’d have a reason to show up here and interrupt whatever alone time you two have. Have a slice.”

They invite him in. They try the pie. It is, unsurprisingly, not very good. Armando thanks them for their honest opinion.

Julia leaves them alone for a second, and Mariana takes the opportunity to face-off with her nemesis.

Mariana: What are you plotting?

Armando: What do you mean?

Mariana: No one believes that you’re trying to find your feminine side.

Armando: The only reason I came here was so you’d try my pie. You’re the one getting all Alpha Male and territorial, not letting anyone near her woman, even if they come with with good intentions.

Mariana: Good intentions my balls, you ass.

Armando: Not good, Marianita. Not good. I can tell you know nothing about women.

It saddens me to say this, but score one for Armando, because really, Mariana, you’re falling right into his Evil Plot. Jealous Girlfriends are far less attractive to confused lesbisexuals than Men With Pies.

That evening, Julia is looking at a magazine on Mariana’s bed, while Mariana paces around her room. Julia tells her to please come to bed because she’s making her dizzy.

Mariana: I can’t stop thinking that Armando is right.

Julia: Right about what?

Mariana: Do you think I’m acting like a territorial male?

Julia has no idea what Mariana is talking about, but Mariana is concerned that she’s acting like a dog that’s peeing around her territory. Julia reminds her that she’s not Mariana’s territory.

Mariana: I know I’m acting like an idiot. I get that perfectly. But … and I know we’ve already talked about this, and that you’re not my territory and that I’m not yours … but, metaphorically speaking, Julia, I need to have some type of … certainty.

Julia: I thought you and I thought the same way. That our philosophy was that no one belonged to anyone in the world … but, well … if you need me to tell you, I will tell you. I am yours and no one else’s.

Mariana: Really?

Julia: *eyeroll*

And cue some kissing…

Onwards, to episode 54. We find Julia in Mariana’s kitchen. I guess she kind of liked Armando’s pie because she reaches in the fridge for another slice. This triggers Thoughts of the Bad Kind.

She decides to toss the Pie of Evil away, but that doesn’t help. She’s still fantasizing about sex with Armando. Ew. Bad knowledge.

Mariana wanders into the kitchen and whines about being hungry. Hungry enough to eat the Pie of Evil, but Julia tells her that she tossed it. But since her girl is hungry, Julia tells her she’ll make her something to eat. Something healthy.

Alma is discussing the issue of jealousy with her class, something that seems to be giving Armando some big ideas. He keeps glancing at the girl in his class, and you can see the wheels turning in his head. Not good.

After class, he talks to Ileana about how he’s going to get Julia back. Ileana is happy to hear him talking like that because he needs to “get her away from those lesbian friendships.” He then spots Valeria, the girl from class, and tells her that he’s got a proposal for her.

Over at Mariana’s, Julia and Mariana are rehearsing some scenes. The phone rings and Julia stops Mariana from answering. On the machine, Armando leaves a message inviting them both on a double dinner date with a girl he just met.

Julia doesn’t sound happy about this double date idea, but Mariana is all for it, since they all agreed to be friends.

Mariana: Unless that makes you jealous?

Julia: I am not jealous! Who told you I was jealous? I just think it’s inappropriate and … stupid.

Mmm. Hmm.

Later on, they’re at Armando’s, helping him prepare dinner. Or rather, preparing the dinner for him. Julia asks questions, like “So how did you meet her?” in a tone that makes her sound like a jealous ex-girlfriend.

Armando: I met her at the Atalier.

Julia: Alma’s Atalier? What were you doing there?

Armando: Nothing. Taking classes. They’re very interesting, by the way. I’m determined to be a new, refined sort of man. Kind of like a lesbian … but more cultured.

He leaves the kitchen and Mariana walks up to Julia and the two start to bicker until Valeria shows up. Julia turns up the Jealous Ex-Girlfriend knob to maximum, something that doesn’t escape Mariana’s attention.

The cozier Armando and Valeria get, the more annoyed Julia looks. She tries to funnel that jealousy by kissing Mariana in front of Armando, but Mariana isn’t stupid and can see right through that, which means the rest of the evening is not going to go very smoothly.

Armando, meanwhile, is cackling madly inside his head and rubbing his hands together, thinking, “I’ve got you now, Julia Aparicio. MUAHAHAHAHA.”

Ingrid Díaz is the author of Alix & Valerie, a professional blogger and non-recovering coffee addict. In her college days, she was a purple-haired LGBT rights activist. These days, she aims to change the world one lesbian love story at a time. You can read some of her work at www.midnightisland.com.

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