“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 49-51

And then, because his name hasn’t been spoken for at least 5.2 seconds, Armando calls. Julia excuses herself from the table to have a conversation with her ex-boyfriend about 2 feet away from her girlfriend, which makes Mariana want to stab things and Hernan think, “Uh oh.”

Armando needs Julia’s help right now because the poor thing broke his arm while beating up Mariana’s plants and now it means he can’t function. I’m amazed he managed to pick up the phone at all in his condition.

Mariana tells Julia that she can go, if she wants, which is girlfriend speak for, “If you leave right now we are going to get into a massive fight when you get back.” Julia’s been a woman long enough to know that’s precisely what it means, so she sits back down and says she’s eating her breakfast.

She does go to Armando’s eventually, though. Armando proceeds to whine about his failed career as a soccer player and then states that Julia should get back together with him.

Armando: Why not? Tell me what happened that was so bad. Did you fake orgasms, or what?
Julia: Sometimes. Like any woman. But, so you know, mostly I had a good time.

And because real orgasms = the only necessary foundation of a happy relationship, Armando asks why, then, did she leave him in Spain.

Because of Mariana, Armando. MARIANA. The lesbian whose Kung Fu-fighting greenery broke your arm.

Julia: What I felt for her was very strong, the same as what I feel for you. I’m going to make you something to eat and you’re going to eat it or else I’m not leaving.

Julia Aparicio, ladies and gentlemen. Someday-author of The Idiot’s Guide to Lesbisexualism: The Art of Mixed Messages.

Meanwhile, Mariana sits alone on her futon watching TV, where the only commercial currently airing in Mexico is the infomercial she and Julia made. This only serves to make Mariana grumpier than she already was.

And then she decides to cheer herself up:

Mariana: Let’s see, Mariana, she’s with Armando. Trust her. Trust her.

Let’s see, Mariana, she’s with Armando. Don’t trust her. Don’t trust her.

Over at Armando’s, Julia prepares his meal while Armando sits around reading a magazine. And then he’s all, “Are you leaving already? Are you coming back tomorrow?” He’ll need her to come back to cut his toe nails, do his laundry and wipe his butt. It’s true love, people.

But Julia says she may or may not be back because any kind of black and white decision is too complicated for her to make, and wouldn’t the world be a better place if she could just come back and not come back at the same time?

Armando says that everything with Julia is always complicated, which I guess is a good thing because he looks intently into her eyes.

And then this happens:

We can surmise that this kiss was so earth shattering and amazing that it tossed Julia’s notions of monogamy right out the window.

But she somehow manages to resist him.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Tags: ,