“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 43-45


Later on, he’s in Mariana’s apartment, trying to figure out how to broach the subject.

Hernan: Mariana, you and Julia are really good friends? I mean, you love each other? You have a lot of affection for one another?

Why yes, Hernan, they like to wrap their legs around each other in friendship.

Mariana: Yes … why?
Hernan: Nothing … I’m just glad that you have friends like that. And male friends? Do you have many?
Mariana: No. Not many.
Hernan: You get along better with women …
Mariana: Yes … Why are you asking me so many questions?
Hernan: They’re just stupid questions in the process of getting to know you.
Mariana: We both know what you want to ask me. Say it.
Hernan: No but … what do you think I want to ask you?
Mariana: Seriously. Talk.
Hernan: No … no … I don’t think I want to ask anything else.
Mariana: You know what? If you want to know me, then I think you need to hear it, even though I suspect you already know. I’m gay, Hernan.
Hernan: That’s fine …
Mariana: It’s fine? Just like that?

Hernan then starts babbling about tolerance and diversity which makes Mariana point out that he sounds like a human rights PSA.

From then on it all goes down hill because Hernan successfully hits all of Mariana’s sore points by using terms like “lifestyle” and telling her that people’s close-mindedness will force her to live in secrecy. Mariana argues that she lives more openly than a lot of straight people.

And then Hernan pisses her off some more.

Hernan: I just hope this preference of yours isn’t caused by my abandoning you. That it’s not my fault.
Mariana: Your fault? As if what I am were a bad thing? Don’t worry, Hernan. What I am is nothing bad. It’s a privilege, okay? And you have nothing to do with me.

Hernan goes on to say that there’s a lot of variables and that him abandoning her might’ve led her to see men in a certain way and that sometimes children see their life experiences as a form of punishment. And so on and so forth.

Mariana: You’re just the same as that ass—e American. You know what, Hernan? I already had my process. You weren’t there. I don’t have to be there for yours.

Over at Casa Aparicio, Alma runs into Julia who tells her that she’s now 100% CERTAIN that she’s gay. Mariana’s toaster oven is now in the mail. High five! In fact, Julia’s so sure that she’s gay that she’s signing up for the whole gay package.

Julia: That includes gay wedding, gay adoption, gay pride flag …

Is there a discount if you sign up for the whole gay package at once? I’d like to see the brochure.

Julia is worried about Mariana’s reaction to her Official Coming Out. I’m not sure, but I think all the making out, and the being in a relationship, complicated or otherwise, probably gave Mariana a hint that Julia isn’t straight. But what do I know?

Alma brings up He Who Should Not Be Named and Julia says that he’s in Spain, he left for Spain. And because Spain is in a galaxy far, far away, it means Julia is free to be gay.

My scientific research concludes that Julia’s sexuality is determined by her distance from points A and M. The further away J is from A, the gayer she is. The closer she is to both A and M, the more confused she is. Note that she only lasted about three seconds away from M. My solution is for Girly to show up and shoot Armando into space. All our problems would be solved.

Alma: Are you totally sure you don’t want anything with him?

Oh, but that she would say yes.

Alas …

Later on, Julia eats her breakfast standing up in the kitchen because she has a casting call with Mariana and she’s late. Rafaela takes the opportunity to ask Julia whether Mariana told her father that she’s gay.

Julia tells Rafaela that it’s none of her business, which is a concept that Rafaela Aparicio will never understand. Everything is Rafaela’s business. She collect’s people’s affairs like baseball cards. So of course Mariana coming out is her business.

Julia then starts rambling about how coming out is difficult for all parties involved. Julia asks Rafaela to put herself in Hernan’s shoes.

Julia: How would you feel if I told you I was gay, for example?
Rafaela: I’d be happy. I’d love you the same.

But Julia says that Rafaela is a special and unique snowflake of a mother and more traditional parents would have a problem with their daughter coming up to them and saying, “I’m gay and I have sex with my girlfriend.” Is that how we’re doing it now?

She then excuses herself to go to the audition.

After the audition, Mariana and Julia joke about how they landed the infomercial and how embarrassing it will be when it actually airs. They run into Hernan who is waiting for Mariana in front of her apartment.

Hernan asks if he can borrow Mariana’s computer. Hernan goes to use Mariana’s computer and Julia and Mariana go to the kitchen, where Mariana tells Julia that Hernan saw them kissing and now knows she’s gay.

Julia is kind of freaking out about it and then Mariana tells her to imagine what’ll happen if Hernan decides to call Rafaela his in-law to her face.

Julia: Why would he call her his in-law? We’d have to be together for that to happen.
Mariana: Well, that’s what he thinks because he saw us kissing.
Julia: I have to talk to you about something, but I know it’s not the best time …

Hernan and his impecable timing interrupt this conversation. He’s having trouble with the computer and Mariana goes to help him.

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