This just in: Katy Perry still sucks. Now, for some of you this will be very old news. Some of us have known that she sucked from way back when. But for those of you clinging to the misguided notion that Ms. Perry might secretly be awesome, let me put those fears to rest: she is not.
Because, friends, awesome people do not spot an unrequited crush at a concert and then publicly call him out by dedicating the song “Ur So Gay” to him. But that is exactly what Katy did earlier this week when she returned for a surprise show at her Santa Barbara high school. According to Radaronline.com, Katy saw her former classmate in the crowd and then said:
“Is that Shane Lopes? Holy shizza. You were the most popular kid in my class! But you never wanted to date me, it was always Amanda Wayne. Oh yeah, you really chose right honey. What’s up? What’s up now, playa? I’m going to dedicate this next one to Shane Lopes everyone. It’s called ‘Ur So Gay.’”
Oh, that clever, clever wordsmith. You see, what Katy is saying is that Mr. Lopes was a dumbass back in high school for not picking her because she is so amazing now and has bras that shoot whip cream and he must be living in the agony of his incorrect life choices which led him to his current sorry and despicable state. In other words, he is so gay.
You know, because “gay” is bad. Gay is stupid. Gay is something you definitely don’t want to be called in front of a crowd of thousands. Do you really still think Katy Perry is awesome?
Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Well, that’s just an exaggeration. Online gossip sites will say anything.” That’s true. But did I mention TMZ.com has video? So, yes, that really, actually, in fact did happen.