Jessica Alba wiggles it best


If there were ever a time in my life I wished I were better at math, this is it. Mathematicians at the University of Cambridge — yes, Cambridge — have determined through careful calculations and tireless hours of grueling research that Jessica Alba has the best wiggle.

Yes, that’s right: Jessica’s strut is the hottest of them all, based on a formula that measures the proportions between a woman’s hips and waist. The academics determined that the closer the ratio is to .70, the better for maximum sexy sway. That ratio “provides the body with the right torso strength to produce a more angular swing and bounce to the hips during the walking motion.”

Raise your hand if you think this “study” was just an excuse for a bunch of math nerds to look at pictures like this and call it serious research.

Jessica and her perfect .70 beat out other sashay supremacy contenders including Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie and Kate Moss. Marilyn came in just off the target ratio at .69.

Oh, please. This is where I’m once again happy I’m not better at math. I don’t care what equation you plug their proportions into — there is no way Jessica has a better walk than Marilyn. Crunch all the numbers you want, but Marilyn invented the wiggle. To quote Some Like It Hot, that woman is like Jello on springs. Watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle indeed.


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