As the sun rises over New Jersey’s humble expanse, Brooke arrives at The Hudson County Court House. She’s here to fight for Kwadir Felton, a young client shot in the face by a local police officer. His case involves drug conspiracy and unlawful possession of a weapon.
“Kwadir has maintained his innocence during those last moments before he had his eyesight taken away,” the stupendous power dyke declares, looking extra Jerseylicious in a black suit trimmed with leopard print. The state alleges that Kwadir, along with others, were engaged in a “conspiracy to sell narcotics.” Brooke argues that there is nothing to connect Kwadir to the drug ring except for his friends. The judge isn’t having it; there is proof of Kwadir’s involvement in a recorded phone call, and Brooke’s motion is smacked down. Brooke and Kwadir think that connecting him with a drug ring is part of a cover up to save the cop.
Over at Jayda’s place, Creep is having family issues. His grandmother has cancer. Jayda tries to reassure her fiancé that everything will be ok.
Brooke, Maggie, and Nicole head to Penn State to see her brother at the Frat House. Nicole isn’t thrilled about the family trip; she wants to be home with her boyfriend Justin. Brooke and Maggie, who loathe Justin, are happy to separate the couple. During a recent fight with Nicole, Justin apparently said some “rude things” to Brooke and Maggie about “being a same-sex couple.” No matter how odious Justin is, making them feel like Romeo and Juliet is not a great plan. Just make sure the girl’s got birth control and wait for them to hate each other. They’re 17. Everyone dates an asshole at 17. Homophobic crap isn’t acceptable, but it’s just the type of nonsense a bratty teenage boy would resort to. It’s too bad Nicole’s not independent enough to shut down her boyfriend’s homophobia, but the girl is almost 18 and wants to smart modeling. Clearly she’s not very objective.
When the car rolls into Kevin’s fraternity, Brooke’s eyes light up. “Kevin Is My DAWG,” she crows with a sassy finger twitch. “He wants to follow my footsteps into law so he’s going to come to the law office to intern.” Kevin talks about how Brooke feels like a mother, even though he’s only known her since ninth grade. What a sweetie. Then Brooke and Maggie proceed to try way too hard to be cool and look royally embarrassing.
Women: Partying at a frat house isn’t cool after 22. The only people sillier than drunk college freshmen are middle-aged women trying to look like drunk college freshmen. They only adults embarrassing themselves at a frat house should be members of the frat house. Ditto with sorority. Two middle-aged lesbians gyrating through their son’s fraternity is cringeworthy. I am cringing.
Nicole leaves to FaceTime with her boyfriend, but not before leaving this cutting teenage observation:
Nicole: Brooke would like to be a parent, but she’s not parent material, I guess.
Mean, Nicole. Very mean. Now I don’t feel even a little bad about mocking your ridiculous modeling aspirations.
After bitchy Nicole leaves, the family heads to a basketball game. Brooke and Maggie dance like drunken women who think they are very sexy, which makes them distinctly less sexy. Take note. Justin the son handles his mothers display with surprising aplomb. That boy’s going to be ok. OMG they are just terrible dancers. Ladies. Why?