That night, Janet goes to her safe house, where she gets a call from Ash. And the way her whole body changes when she hears her wife’s voice is remarkable. I think that if we could always appreciate the people we love the way we do in times of crisis, there would be far less love taken for granted in this world. Also, for those of us who were worried about their marriage in the wake of the sex scandal, this conversation is very reassuring. But I have this thing where, when something good happens in a TV show, I always check how many minutes are left in the episode; if it’s more than twenty, I get real nervous that the good thing is about to be taken away.
The next day, Mia Blakely shows up at Janet’s office and, in an act of great courage, reveals that something did happen to her when she was little. A man named Keith Nelson—a close friend of her father’s—molested her for years, starting when she was seven. She never told anyone about it, but she always wondered if her father knew. Which: gosh, I hope not. Because that would take Blakely out of villain territory and into the realm of monsters.
Janet takes this story and runs with it, coming up with the theory that Steven Blakely was at the center of a high-profile child porn ring and his associates got nervous when he went to trial for the death of his wife. Fearing he might talk, they had him killed. Janet, Tony, and Andy figure the best way to get some proof is to put pressure on Keith Nelson. I don’t know if another character this late in the series is exactly what we need, but okay.
The police arrest Nelson, who denies everything. But in his desk, the police find a suspicious-looking USB drive that has been wiped completely clean of evidence.
THIS MAN SHOULD SPEND HIS LIFE IN PRISON ON THE BASIS OF THIS PICTURE ALONE.
Thankfully(?), Mia recalls that Nelson had a birthmark on his penis shaped like a map of England, which is a damning, if ridiculous piece of evidence. All in all, probably three minutes of this episode are devoted to various characters marveling at the detail and accuracy of his penis-map.
Oh, so remember how last week Lina decided to leave the sex crimes division? Well, this week she has apparently decided to quit lawyering, full stop, so she hands her resignation to Tony.
Lina: I’ve embarrassed myself and the department. I should just go live in a shame cave forever.
Tony: You made a mistake. If everyone who did that ran away, then there would be no good people left in the world.
Lina: But what about my mental health and ability to manage stress?
Tony: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR BLOODY FEELINGS.
So I’m glad that Lina is staying on, but concerned that she needs to learn some coping mechanisms before she does any more damage.
In other news, the investigation into Janet and Erin continues with Richard being interviewed. And you all know I love Richard to death, but he absolutely blows it.
Richard: Janet and Erin are just work friends. I mean, work besties is probably more accurate.
Renmark: Would you describe their relationship as…intimate?
Richard: Well Erin did help deliver Janet’s twins, so in that sense, yes, she has seen her vagina. WAIT WAIT CAN I UNSAY THAT.
Renmark just stares at him like a cat who is very disappointed in a mouse for dying so quickly.
After that disastrous interview, Richard is determined to make things right by going through every one of Renmark’s decisions in search of corruption. What he finds is that for years, Renmark acquitted almost everyone who came before him, presumably out of sheer laziness. However, in the eighteen months prior to his retirement, he reversed course entirely and convicted everyone but Alex Moreno. Okay, so how does any judge get away with that without people noticing. Are you Australians just too busy beating back the terrifying nature constantly trying to kill you to care? Please answer in the comments.
Tony and Janet take this information straight to Jack Rizzoli, and Janet uses the word “fuck” for emphasis and it is as glorious as the battle cry of an avenging angel. Tony suggests that the police might have had Renmark in their pockets, and Rizzoli is like “PREPOSTEROUS. IF THE POLICE WERE INVOLVED I WOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT IT. GOD, I WOULD PROBABLY BE THE ONE DOING IT.”
(I AM THE ONE DOING IT.)
He suggests they come back with some harder evidence.
At the police station, Alex Moreno shows up to revise his alibi for the night of Steven Blakely’s murder. He was actually at—get this—a brothel called Barely Legal, which specializes in underage-looking Asian girls. Personally, I would rather people think I was a murderer, but hey, that’s just me. Janet is pretty angry at this news, since she has been screaming “MORENO” at anyone who would listen since her car blew up.