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“Jane the Virgin” recap (1.2): Jane’s Milkshake

ZOMG! Where do I begin? This show has me on the edge of my seat, and yelling at the televison. Now I officially know what it feels like to be an abuela watching her novelas religiously every night.

This episode began with a flashback to Jane’s Quinceanera (Sweet 15). Mid-party, Jane’s mom, Xiomara, gave a stellar performance of “Milkshake” by Kelis. I couldn’t get the song out of my head for the entire episode. Neither can I get out of my head what Xiomara was wearing, a short peach colored dress with major cleavage, and her dance that accompanied the song. She’s become my favorite character of the show.

Flash forward to present time to a family meeting, of sorts, which included Xiomara, Michael, and Abuela seated together for a meeting led by Jane. It was the first family meeting attended by Michael: “Happy to be here. Proud to be presenting the male point of view.” Jane’s reply was classic, “Oh, see, I won’t leave with that because that’s not going to do well at our meetings.” Then again, he really couldn’t say much when he was beat: Three Latinas to one male. Abuela suggested Jane keep the baby, to which Michael disagreed. Tired of all the “baby” talk, Jane felt that “baby” was too real of a word to use during the pregnancy. She suggested they use the term “milkshake” instead of baby. Milkshake, of course, in reference to Xiomara’s performance at Jane’s Quiceanera.

During the meeting, Abuela makes a point that Jane is giving away her baby to another woman she’s officially met. To oblige Abuela, Jane text messages Petra about meeting up soon. While mid-divorce conversation, back at the hotel, Petra tells Rafael that Jane wants to meet her. Petra continues to cling onto this baby as her saving grace. Petra has no clue what’s in store for her. Does she really believe Jane is going to just give up her baby so easily? Now to the good stuff.

Rose, Luisa’s hot ex-lover, shows up at her office, again. Luisa gets an email that her license is officially suspended. Rose brings up the question, again, “You’re not drinking, are you?” Luisa looks hurt by that question, but confirms that she has not been drinking. She fires back with, “I’m trying to be practical, which is why I called you. You were a pretty good lawyer before you gave it up to become a trophy wife.” Burn! Luisa apologizes and Rose stays to help her out. Luisa tells her about her insurance policy which mentions Rafael. Apparently, Rafael put his shares of the hotel up as collateral, in case of a law suit. He did this to help insure Luisa because no one would insure her due to her alcohol addiction. Such a sweet brother he is. And, yet, now he wants to sue her for a baby he’ll soon have if it weren’t for her to begin with. Cut back to Rose and Luisa, where Rose informs Luisa that if Jane sues Luisa then Rafael’s hotel is on the line.

Rafael waits for Jane in the locker room. Here, she finds out that Luisa is Rafael’s sister. He encourages Jane to sue, so that she can get money out of this. Jane is offended by his comment, that she would be doing any of this for money. This dude just doesn’t know how to talk to women, does he? He offends her in the first episode by thinking he remembers her as a dance from a strip club, and then again in this episode. Jane doesn’t think any better of him when she finds out, from her co-workers, that Rafael has a bad boy past. After Googling Rafael, she freaks out and calls Michael telling him that she can’t give her “milkshake” to Rafael anymore. Not wanting this baby, Michael convinces Jane that Rafael is a decent person now. Oh, Michael. What is it that you’re hiding from Jane?

Xiomara decides to visit Jane’s father (the telenovela star), Rogelio, on set to tell him to stop calling her. She enters just as a leopard is on the loose. Everyone is in a panic but Xiomara is as fierce as ever. No leopard on the loose can stop this woman. Jane’s father is sincere in telling Xiomara that he wants to be a part of Jane’s life. He wants to meet her. He wants to know what she’s like. Xiomara says that she’ll tell Jane that night.

While spying on the hotel, Michael informs us that Roman Zazo, the hotel manager, is Sin Rostro’s contact. We don’t exactly know who Sin Rostro is, but he is the reason why Michael and his crew continue to spy on the hotel. It has something to do with drugs. Michael’s partner gets information that the woman Roman is always banging in the hotel room is Petra. We can see Michael is scared by this. Scared because Jane wants to give up this baby to Rafael AND Petra, two parents. If Petra and Rafael split, Jane won’t want to give up the “milkshake.”

Back in hot lesbian land, aka Luisa’s doctor office, Rose returns with coffee for the both of them. She finds Luisa sitting, staring at an unopened bottle of vodka. Rose is afraid Luisa will become weak and drink again. Luis explains that “every time I don’t drink I feel good about myself. And, I need something to feel good about because my brother won’t speak to me. My wife cheated on me. I have nowhere to go. And, I’m about to be slapped with a huge lawsuit.” I think what Luisa needs is for Rose to caress her hair. Get close enough that each other’s personal bubble becomes one. Look longingly into her eyes to let her know that she still has a thing for her. And kiss her. Well, something like that happened. Luisa made the first move by kissing Rose’s hand, as she placed strands of Luisa’s hair behind her ear. That kiss led to a kiss on the lips and the kissing led to sweet lesbian loving. The only problem I had with this was that they showed nothing of it! We only got a white screen, sounds of Rose screaming out in joy, and “O!” typed out on the white screen three times. Boring.

At Jane’s first sonogram, EVERYONE showed up. By everyone, I mean Michael, Rafael, Petra, Xiomara, and Abuela. With a crowded room, the nurse tells everyone, except for Jane and Rafael, to leave. Through the window of the room, Michael and Petra watch on as Jane and Rafael see their little milkshake and hear its first heart beats. Michael, nonchalantly, instructs Petra to end her affair with Roman. She was shocked and I was shocked he actually let her know he knows. But he claimed to have seen them together while at the hotel visiting Jane. He agrees not to say anything is she agrees to end it. Blackmail nation up in here. But she says OK.

Later that night, Xiomara answers the door to find Rogelio on the doorstep with flowers in hand. With Abuela in the kitchen, and Jane pulling in the drive way, Xiomara hides him in her bedroom. Back on the front poor, Jane is applying for a new job because Michael feels uneasy about Jane working for Rafael seeing as how she is having the man’s baby and they do have a history of sucking face that one time five years ago. Jane breaks down to Xiomara explaining that she heard the baby’s heartbeat. She realizes for the first time that it is, in fact, not a milkshake and that she will get attached to the baby. Giving away this baby is going to be the hardest thing she’s going to have to do. I did shed a little tear. I could only imagine how hard it is for a woman to have to give up their milkshake.

Xiomara let’s Jane know that this is her time to be selfish now. She needs to take care of herself and worry about no one else. Enter Abuela, who asks if it’s okay to stop calling it a milkshake now. Xiomara ask where the expression comes from. Abuela is quick to remind her of the Quinceanera. Jane and Abuela remember it as Xiomara being Xiomara. But Xiomara remembers it as the time she saved her daughter from heartbreak. After seeing Jane’s “superfly date” kissing on some other girl at the party, she created a diversion by performing the “Milkshake” song. I would have loved for her to have perform like that at one of my parties.

Michael is spying, again, on Roman. He watches as Petra ends things with Roman, or at least tries to end things with him. After telling him it’s over, Roman strangles Petra. Mid-strangle, Petra smiles. She tells a perplexed Roman that he passed the text. She wanted to see whether or not he’d fight for her. They kiss and make up. She leaves to get ready for the big hotel party that evening. Outside of Roman’s room we see how scared for her life she really is now. The girl is in trouble now.

At the hotel party, Rafael approaches Petra with an envelope in hand. Just before that, Petra shed tears expressing to Rafael that sometime during one of his early chemo sessions she saw the love he had for he leave. But, she never stopped loving him. Petra opens the envelope to find a sonogram of the baby. An olive branch from Rafael to Petra. “Let’s give it a try,” he tells her. Queue the make out session between the two. Back in Petra’s room, her mother is there playing solitaire. Petra happily explains to her mother that she and Rafael are giving it another try. She tells Petra that she already read the tarot cards and knows the outcome. Her mother has some major burn scars on the left side of her face and is in a wheel chair. Of course we have no idea why she is the way she is. Could she possibly be Sin Rostro? The possibilities are endless.

Luisa makes an appearance at the hotel party. Rafael is about to tell her to leave when their father interrupts, “I invited her.” He looks like a Cuban mobster: Bald, salt and pepper beard, fierce eyebrows and wearing a white Miami Vice looking suit with shoulder pads open-collared shirt. Rafael tries to explain to their father what Luisa did. The father isn’t hearing it. He brushes off the whole insemination mishap as an “unfortunate mistake.” “Luisa is family. And, family is everything. Speaking of…” the father says. He then happily points to a woman walking over to them. Who is the woman? It’s Rose! “Hello darling,” Rose says, as she kisses their father. Rose is their stepmother. And Luisa is banging her stepmother. I DID NOT see that coming. Mind. Blown.

Cut to Abuela at home, watching her novela. Excited that “El Presidente,” Rogelio, didn’t drown, she goes running to Xiomara’s room, screaming in Spanish, “I was right! The President didn’t drown.” She bursts open the door to find Xiomara in bed with Rogelio. “El Presidente?” Abuela says just before fainting.

The episode ends back at the hotel party. Jane is walking with a tray of drinks when the lights suddenly go out. They quickly turn back on. Screams are heard. Jane looks up to find Roman, impaled on the ice sculpture. What in the world!?! Although that is some juicy stuff, I have one rant about this: That blackout was a bit too short for this murder to happen.

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