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Interview with Out South African Singer-Songwriter Melanie Lowe

In a recent AfterEllen.com article about out South Africa’s first prominent lesbian TV character, we also mentioned singer-songwriter Melanie Lowe as one of the very few high-profile openly gay or bisexual women in South Africa. Lowe came to fame in 2002, after appearing on the American Idol-type show Idol, and publicly came out as a lesbian this past June.

In her first interview with AfterEllen.com, Lowe talks about her musical inspiration, her label, Mellow Music, the importance of coming out, and her impending wedding to fiancée, Angela Brest.

AfterEllen.com: How would you describe your music?

Melanie Lowe: I have so many influences and they add bits and pieces to my songs in their own way. Guitar is my main instrument when I’m writing, so that means they are quite acoustically driven and, if you strip them down to the bare minimum, they have quite a folky/acoustic feel to them. The production and arrangement definitely puts them into more of an adult contemporary category, but I don’t think it’s as cut and dried as that.

I don’t subscribe to any requirements in terms of making a commercial hit and, to that end, my songs are lyrically and melodically driven and are definitely not your typical commercial type. I write what’s in my heart, pure and simple. However that translates, is what it is.

It’s very hard to be objective about your own songs. They are all far too close to me and I didn’t even know they would be of interest to anyone until a lot of people had spent a lot of time convincing me otherwise! I still find it hard to believe. I think if there were a category called “Melanie Lowe,” it’d be easier to put them somewhere but, like their creator, they don’t fit into a box of any kind.

While I’ve had many people try and convince me that I will never get anywhere unless I find a target market, I tend to disagree. I don’t want to shut anyone off. I want everyone to hear my stories and take from them what they want to take. If they choose to take nothing then that’s fine by me. I want to reach the people that want to be reached.

AE: You list Tori Amos, Tegan and Sara, Tracy Chapman and Sarah Bettens among the musicians you admire. What’s the common theme that attracts you to their music?

ML: I think I just relate to them a lot better firstly because they’re female and their style of writing strikes a chord with me.

Secondly, they are all completely unique and have built a following by just being themselves and holding on to their musical integrity. Tori Amos is my biggest inspiration and the reason for that is that it hasn’t always been easy for her. She, like me, has played the smoky cigar bars, done the low paying or free gigs and the endless footwork required to just get your songs heard. She has paid her dues in many ways and she’s done it all by being herself, even though her style is completely alternate to the mainstream. I admire that so much. It inspires me to pick up and carry on when another door gets slammed in my face because, even having a name in the music industry, does not guarantee open doors.

I am part of a minority group of artists who won’t give in and do the song that everyone wants to hear, the one that’s a guaranteed money-spinner. I have frustrated more than a few record labels, I know, because in South Africa, that means that you are a very small corner of the market! It’s the toughest route I guess but for me, it’s simply the only route.

When I start to feel like it’s not worth it anymore, I think of how Tori struggled and, while I wouldn’t be so bold as to place myself in her league, I know I have an equal amount of passion, and my stories are just as important to me as hers are, to her. I know it’s possible, because she did it.

AE: In your experience, what are the best and most challenging aspects of being part of South Africa’s music scene?

ML: Every part of it! I think every country has it challenges but perhaps South Africa is a bigger challenge than most because we are still relatively new at all this.

The market is far smaller and finding the people with the right kind of experience and no-how, is tricky. For that reason South African musicians are very accustomed to doing it all themselves. The problem is that it’s an incredible amount of blood, sweat and tears, for very little reward. Luckily we all love what we do! Those that aren’t in it for the love of it, soon fall by the wayside because sometimes that passion is all that keeps you going.

I don’t want to make you think that it’s all bad though, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t love it and every career has its pros and cons. The difference with music is that it’s more of a calling than a career. It is, quite simply, my life. I am Melanie Lowe, the artist, no matter what I am doing or where I am. Music is inherently part of who I am. It’s runs through my bloodstream. That in itself is a challenge. I have to separate myself from my career at times or you really do take everything far too personally.

People will only ever see the parts of you they want to see. I will never be a “real” person to a lot of people. For an artistic, over-sensitive temperament, that can be tough, but I love all the challenges. I would shrivel up and die if I had to do something else instead of music. I’ve never been more alive than I am when I am sharing my music with people. It feeds my soul. For that, I will face, and take on, any challenge!

AE: You just finished touring South Africa with Katie Melua, and you’ve toured with Sarah Bettens in the past. What do you enjoy about touring, and do you plan to tour outside South African anytime soon?

ML: I loved both of those tours for different reasons. Katie Melua was the first tour I put together with my new company, Mellow Music. It was a huge learning curve for me, apart from being such a wonderful experience.

Touring with Sarah Bettens was a dream come true. Her music and K’s Choice‘s music has influenced me hugely throughout my musical journey. I have been a fan for over 10 years. When I heard she was coming to South Africa I made it my mission to tour with her! I actually begged. I made no money on that tour. In fact, I lost plenty. But it was worth every cent just to perform on the same stage as her.

Imagine listening to someone’s music for years, and dreaming that one day, you might actually meet them. Singing with them is too big to even contemplate, and then, suddenly, it happens! Singing a duet with her is my precious musical memory to date.

I love the energy that I feel when on tour. It’s non-stop and exhausting. I forget to eat, even to breathe at times. I am energized by the tour alone. I can’t wait to tour outside of South Africa and I am actually working on a few options now. It’s a huge undertaking and one that takes a lot of preparation but I do get asked, all the time, when I will be touring places and believe me, I am trying my hardest!

I guess the only thing I don’t like about it is that I miss home. I miss my family! That consists of my fiancée, our three cats and our parakeet, Mr Wendell. I’m a homebody through and through. One of my favorite things about coming home is to put everything back in its place and to feel that sense of belonging. After living out of a bag for the greater part of eight years, I truly appreciate having a place to call home.

AE: You were on Idols in 2002. What did you take away from that experience? Did it help your career?

ML: Idols took my career in the direction that I had been hoping for it to take. I entered not knowing what it actually was but, when I realized I could get exposure for my own music, I knew I had to be in it for the long-haul. I had no idea how to do that but luck was on my side. I didn’t know how to play the camera. (I ran away from them!) I’ve only ever known how to be me. I was painfully shy, believe it or not.

To get up on that stage and sing made me so ill at times. So putting on a show to try and sell myself to the public was out of the question. It took every ounce of courage I had just to propel my body onto the stage!

But there is no greater way to learn than to be thrown in at the deep end. I find myself often purposefully putting myself into situations simply because a part of me dares to say, “I can’t.” If I say that, then I feel compelled to face up to the challenge.

Idols was one of the biggest personal challenges I’ve ever faced. I was criticized daily by the public and judges alike. I was always the one going out! To face, and deal with, daily and unnecessary criticism, and, at times, blatant hatred, really builds strength of character, especially when you have so many doubts about yourself but, somewhere along the way, I realized that I didn’t care what they said. It made me grow up.

And that’s what I’ve continued to do since the show. If anything, it finally made me realize that I had something to offer the world musically. At least some people out there had recognized, and been drawn to, something in my music. It gave me the courage to try and take it further. Over the years I’ve been torn in many different directions but I have learnt to always come back to “me” because that’s what’s real while a lot of everything else is just smoke and mirrors.

Idols didn’t really reflect “me” the way I am, and some would say it was the wrong choice, but I know that, without it, there is so much I would still have to learn. It was the path I was meant to take, if only to find myself finally, musically. It certainly doesn’t define me. It just contributed to a part of who I am.

My song, “Blue,” is all about all of that. I guess it’s a kind of autobiography in the form of a song and I wrote it purely because I needed to prove to myself, and anyone else listening, that I was real and what I did, mattered. If it didn’t appeal to some people, that was ok. As long as I knew who I was.

AE: Which of the songs you’ve written has meant the most to you personally?

ML: That’s a tough one. They are all close to me because they’ve all helped me at different times in my life. It’s a strong emotional connection that I find hard to explain. I think if I were going to choose one, I’d probably go with “Blue.” As I said before, it’s all about me. It’s about letting go of my hang-ups and my fears of what other people think and telling them all to take a hike (in the nicest possible way).

It sounds like a rebellious, hard song. It’s not. It’s possibly the most gentle song I’ve ever written. It’s more introspective. I’m telling myself that it’s ok. No one will ever know exactly who I am beneath it all and that’s OK because I always have been, and always will be who I am, and knowing who I am is far more important than worrying about who other people think I am, or should be.

AE: What are your goals for Mellow Music?

ML: Shew, so many! It started off as a means of managing my own career. Then I started realizing that I was in a position to help other artists. When I first started out, as a teenager, I was clueless. I knew what I needed to be doing but I didn’t know how or where to start. Pretty much everything that’s happened over the years was driven by passion and has been through trial and error, and a lot of luck! It has, by no means, been easy but I’ve learned a lot and, armed with that knowledge, I’d like to try and make it easier for other up and coming artists if I can.

I am also in the process of building my own studio and I want to start doing all my albums under the Mellow Music label. This is an area where I will be able to help singer/songwriters to get their music out there. I want to build up a group of quality artists, from any area of entertainment, and promote their careers as much as possible. There are some exciting new developments in the Mellow Music camp which I can’t go into more now, but rest assured, when it’s time to talk, you will hear it.

AE: What made you decide to come out publicly as a lesbian now?

ML: It wasn’t so much about coming out as a lesbian, it was about the fact that I had asked my partner to marry me and I knew I would need to deal with the publicity side of things at some point. It’s hard to hide your wife away from the world and I actually had no intention of doing it.

When I asked her to marry me, I knew I was also making a conscious decision to come out. I’d kept my private life very private up until I came out, because I knew what the repercussions might be if it got out to the wrong person. I didn’t like living a lie like that, but I felt that I had very little choice at the time.

I was told by a lot of people that it would destroy my career and I bought into that, sadly. I had sleepless nights for many years and I think I probably made life very difficult for my partners but I just wasn’t strong enough, within myself, to go the final step. When I met Angi, everything changed. Suddenly, what seemed so important before, wasn’t that important anymore. The most important thing was “us.” I found my strength in her and suddenly the question wasn’t, “am I going to come out?” the question was “when am I going to come out?”

She is far too important to me, and we are far too important to just brush under a carpet. I’m not ashamed of her, I’m proud of what we have. It’s something beautiful and real and true and it deserves honesty and respect. I didn’t want it to get out via another source, because then it would be a case of the press trying to find out all the juicy details via the wrong sources and turning it into something sordid and messy. The only way to handle it was to tell the whole story ourselves, so that there would be nothing else to talk about.

Once it was out, nobody could actually say anything mean or derogatory because we we were very particular about how we did it. We did an interview with O Magazine, with a beautiful photo shoot. It was elegant and classy and just plain honest and I think any negative comments would’ve been taken as spiteful and petty.

I have to say that, since we came out, the emails and letters that I have received from people have made me realize just how much we’ve affected lives and that is why we decided to do the interviews that we’ve been approached for.

I’ve spent a large part of my life fighting for various causes that are close to my heart you can’t get much closer to a cause than this! If I can help make it easier for young people fighting within themselves, and fighting those around them, to be true to who they are, then I will do what it takes to help. I remember that despair and loneliness. Although I wish I’d come out earlier, I also know that this was the right time for me and I hope a lot more celebrities come to that realization eventually too. Society will be far more open to LGBT people, if they know someone personally who is LGBT.

Fear usually comes from a lack of knowledge but, armed with knowledge, there is nothing left to fear. There is a massive spotlight over my head now and the whole country knows my story which is quite daunting, although hugely liberating, but I really hope, for everyone’s sake, that it opens a few more hearts and maybe changes a few lives that might’ve gone in a very different direction. That will, without a doubt, make all of this worth it for Ang and I.

AE: What kind of reaction have you received from your family and fans to coming out publicly?

ML: On the whole it’s been positive. My fans have been wonderful. I may have lost a few although I don’t know for sure and what matters is that the important ones stayed!

My parents completely surprised me by being happy to hear about my engagement and they’ve been very supportive of my coming out too. Things weren’t always easy between us because they weren’t happy with my “choices.” I’m not sure what happened but, when I told them about my engagement, they turned to me and said they’re happy that I’m happy. It was a wonderful surprise.

I’ve waited many years to hear that from them (15, to be exact) and it was an amazing feeling to finally feel accepted, just for me. They are even flying from the UK to South Africa for the wedding next year! That means the world to me, knowing that they want to be there. Ang’s mom, Anne Brest, is a professional photographer and has offered to do our photos as a gift to us! I think, between Angi and I, at least half of our families will be there and that’s more than we could have asked for.

Something we have learned from this is that, if people don’t want to share in our happiness, we are not going to force them. There have been those who have felt the need to tell us that we are doing the wrong thing etc etc and, as a result, we have decided that, unless you have something positive and decent to say, then we are not going to hang around to listen! Life is too short to live it trying to make everyone happy. The best thing you can do is find your own happy place and be selective about who you allow through your door.

AE: There haven’t been many high-profile openly gay or bisexual women in South Africa. Do you think that’s changing?

ML: I really hope so. As I said before, when people realize that they actually KNOW someone personally who is LGBT, they will be more inclined to accept other LGBT people. Being high-profile puts you in a powerful position to change lives. I’ve always been aware of that, and I’ve always felt a huge sense of responsibility to set an example.

I think, in a case like this though, it’s even more important to create awareness because it will not only change lives, it can save lives too. LGBT people are being killed daily, right on our doorsteps just for trying to live their lives honestly. People fear what they don’t understand. We are in a position to help them understand. What holds us back is also fear. We fear what will happen after we take the step.

I’m amazed though that all of those fears seemed to dissolve the minute I opened my mouth and started talking about it. Now that I know what it feels like to be on this side of the closet, I have to wonder what took me so long!

AE: How did you and Angela meet, and when did you get engaged?

ML: I was living in Durban at the time, but I was up in Johannesburg for the weekend having just returned from the South African Music Awards at Sun City. My best friend, Steve and I were spending the night at a friend’s and then flying home the next morning so we decided to go out for dinner to a little restaurant in Greenside that evening.

We had been there about an hour or so when something made me look up at the door and Ang walked in. I stared for a few seconds and then I grabbed Steve’s leg and I said, “Oh my word, she’s GORGEOUS!” I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was wearing a ring on her ring finger and my heart dropped a little because I thought she was straight! The minute I opened my mouth about it, my friends were on a mission to find out everything about her.

It took about two or three hours, and we moved a few tables, but eventually we were sitting at the table next to hers and then suddenly we’d all joined the tables together and we were next to each other. I still don’t know how it happened! We hadn’t spoken a word to each other up to that point but there had been a lot of surreptitious looks. We were both so shy. We finally got talking and luckily the manager had decided that it was her sole responsibility to get us together because she kept that restaurant open until the early hours of the morning. Once we started talking, we couldn’t seem to stop. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

Touring and living in different provinces made it hard but, being a musician, I had the luxury of being able to move to a different province and so, when I’d reached a point that I couldn’t take the distance anymore. I moved to Johannesburg where I’ve been for over a year now. I asked her to marry me a few months ago on our anniversary.

How does she feel about the fact that she’s going to be a musician’s wife?

The touring has always been hard on her but she had a day job that kept her incredibly busy and she couldn’t come with me. However, she recently resigned from her job and is now working with me, so that solves the problem of touring! Now she can come with me and we’re both so happy about that. She loves to watch me perform and, for me, no audience is complete without her smiling up at me.

We make a great team working together as well. We’ve always been so tuned in to each other that I often don’t even have to talk and she knows what I’m going to say. I always knew she was out there. We’ve spent many lifetimes together which is why we both recognized each other instantly. I just didn’t realize it would take me so long to find her, but there’s a time for everything and this was actually the perfect time. She’s my soulmate in every way. The yin to my yang. You can’t have one without the other.

For more info on Melanie Lowe, visit her official website and follow her on Twitter.

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