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Interview With Jessica Clark

The life of a fashion model may outwardly seem like an easy job filled with money, glamour and endless nights clubbing with other beautiful people. In fact, it can often be destructive, cruel and pure hell on one’s self-image. Just ask Jessica Clark, a successful model, who also happens to be a life coach and out lesbian. A 23-year-old stunner of British, Indian and Nigerian descent, Clark was raised in a single-parent home in the U.K. At 16, she won a beauty contest, and before you could say “work it,” she was strutting on runways from New York to Milan. Along the way, Jessica experienced the dark side of the business that they never show on America’s Next Top Model: drugs, eating disorders and exhaustion.

Today, Jessica is not only a healthy model who eats well, she’s also a life coach who manages a journal-style nutrition and fitness blog with her girlfriend, Lacey Stone, a New York City professional trainer.

Clark talked to AfterEllen.com about the pros and cons of the modeling industry, how she turned her life around, and how she met the woman she loves.

AfterEllen.com: How did you get into modeling?

Jessica Clark:I won a beauty competition in England years ago, in the days before America’s Next Top Model. So, I didn’t have to stay in a big house or anything, thank God, but it was one of those nationwide searches. I entered it because they had a £5,000 cash prize, and being 16, it was more money than I had ever had in my life. And I happened to win.

AE: And you’ve been modeling ever since? JC:Yeah, pretty much. Initially, I kept it to summer vacations. I did a year at university; I wanted to be a barrister. I thought modeling was completely disrespectful to women and beneath me, and I would never indulge in it properly as a career.

AE: It’s hard to ignore the money, though. JC:Yeah. It was the money. My family is pretty poor. In the end, the law wasn’t a good fit for me, I don’t think. I wasn’t happy, and kind of a messed-up teenager. I said: “Oh, this is a great out. I’ll go travel the world and no one will know that I’m just confused about everything.” And like you said, you start making money and hanging out with the beautiful people. It all seems way more fun than studying.

AE: Yeah, just a little. JC:[laughs] But then, you get into your 20s and you’re like: “S—. Everyone else has qualifications and careers, and I’m being pretty.”

AE: Some of those people would rather be you. JC:I guess. The grass is always greener.

AE: Isn’t it awesome to be you? JC:It is awesome to be me. I’m very lucky. Very lucky. AE: In your experience, how true are those model stereotypes? JC:You mean dumb, anorexic, living on cigarettes?

AE: Yeah, that one. JC:The issue is that most models are so young. Sixteen is starting to be old now. I’d say most girls start when they’re about 14. It’s crazy. A lot of them leave school then, so it’s not because they’re dumb; they’re just not necessarily well-read. English is often not their first language. And they get caught up in this very narrow world where the things that are really important in the industry are not necessarily that important outside of it. So, your topics of conversation can get quite limited, if you’re not careful. They’re not encouraged to be smart.

But the girls that last – the ones [who don’t] lose their minds or burn out – make it into a business. That’s what I’ve managed to do, fortunately.

 

AE: You totally changed my mind about models. I think I actually feel bad for them. JC:And no one asks them their opinions about things. If someone asks me what I think, I’m always shocked.

AE: I’ll ask. What do you think of America’s Next Top Model? JC:I think it’s great TV. Tyra Banks is a business genius. It’s like a high school catfight. That’s definitely entertaining. Does it accurately reflect the industry? No. When you’re a young, real model, you’re in low-end, low-rent rooms, in bunk beds. It’s not nearly as chi-chi as they have it. But certainly, all the insecurities or cattiness and all that, that you see amongst the girls? That’s all true.

AE: The show always makes sure there’s at least one super bitch in the house. And often there’s a lesbian in the mix, because that’s always a good time. JC:Yeah. They discovered that’s a winning formula. Everyone loves to watch it if there’s a potential lesbian in there. I think that’s their thing now.

AE: Have you ever met Tyra? JC:No, I haven’t, actually. She’s one of the few I’ve never come into contact with. The stories abound far and wide, though AE: How about her nemesis, Naomi Campbell? JC:I have met Naomi. I’ve done a bunch of runway shows and things with her. During one of my first runway shows when I was about 16 years old, she was changing next to me. I was fascinated and terrified because I had heard all the stories. I was waiting for her to scream at me.

AE: Did she throw anything at you? JC:[laughs] She was actually very nice to me. She’s like a panther. When she was undressing next to me, I was like, “Whoa.” [She’s] very lean and muscular, with crazy skin and stuff. She’s amazing. She’s a weird combination of simpering little girl and a crazy warrior woman, depending on what mood she’s in.

AE: I don’t think “simpering little girl” when I think of Naomi Campbell. I think diva. JC:It’s weird. She can definitely be a diva, but if she’s being nice, or if she’s flirting, she kind of flirts a bit like a little girl. You know, that whole coy, the head to the side thing. She does that and she does a little-girl kind of voice. It’s weird coming out of a glamazon like that.

AE: There were days when you were not a happy model; the days of nothing but cigarettes and Diet Coke. JC:And coke.

AE: Right. Cocaine is standard craft services for any modeling job. JC:[laughs] Yeah, absolutely, it is.

AE: Did you have an epiphany that you didn’t want to live like that anymore? JC:I had an epiphany I couldn’t live like that anymore. I was in Paris doing a runway show, the last one in a circuit that starts in New York, goes to London, then Milan, then Paris. You’re traveling constantly for about five to six weeks; it’s really exhausting and stressful. And you’re starving yourself and becoming completely strung out.

By Paris, everyone’s getting sick. I was probably the thinnest I’ve ever been in my life – really feeling like death warmed up and living on nothing. And they said: “Oh, can’t you just lose a couple more kilos, like five more pounds? Then you’d be perfect.”

AE: How much did you weigh when they told you to lose more weight? JC:I’m 5-11, and I think I weighed 105 pounds. And I couldn’t really stand. I was pretty ill.

AE: So, that vacuous, hollow expression you see on runway models’ faces is actually because they’re seconds away from passing out? JC:Oh my God, totally. I’ll tell you what it is, no joke. People say, “Oh, you people are so bitchy and vacant” and whatever. And I’m like: “They’re hungry. They’re hungry and tired and they don’t know what you’re talking about because they can’t think straight because they haven’t eaten for a month.”

AE: And you couldn’t do it anymore. JC:No. I called my New York agent from backstage at the show and had a meltdown. “I’m quitting, that’s it! I can’t take it, I’m losing my mind, I hate myself!” She talked me down off the ledge and brought me back to New York. I went through the whole process of getting clean. I had all different eating disorders and all that crap. So, that took me a good year – obviously, it was a work in progress … very up and down. I didn’t have any natural appetite. I destroyed my own metabolism.

AE: Your stomach was probably the size of a walnut. JC:Yeah, it’s weird. It swings in the other direction, and your body is like: “Oh my God, food! It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

AE: Has maintaining a healthier weight affected your career? JC:I don’t do runway shows anymore. I mean, I can’t. I can’t do runway and not starve myself.

AE: Runway is the most stringent? JC:Runway is the most stringent. If you’re in the more “commercial” arena, which is still the fashion things, but also things like Pantene and L’Oreal, you can be a [size] two to a small four, which is what I am now.

AE: Do you think straight women’s body issues differ from lesbian body issues? JC:I feel it’s a double-edged sword in the gay community. Stick-skinny isn’t revered in [the lesbian community] the same way it is in the straight community. I’ve never personally come across lesbians who say, “I want a super-thin girlfriend as a status symbol.”

An awful lot of straight men, particularly successful, New York, L.A. men are very, very into that status thing. But, on the other hand, if you have issues with food … there can be more of a tendency to dismiss those problems as not serious issues.

AE: You can reject the super-thin ideal as being unrealistic, but the opposite end of the spectrum isn’t exactly noble. JC:That’s right. I definitely think a body is attractive if it’s healthy and if you treat it properly. It’s not a size issue, particularly. It’s a health thing. Is it toned? Does it look like you care about your body? If it doesn’t look like you care, then to me, that’s not attractive.

AE: You’ve said that people don’t always believe you’re gay. JC:Try “never.” Even my girlfriends don’t believe I’m gay until we go to bed. I’m sure I’d do much better in L.A., because there are a lot more skinny femmes out there, but –

AE: I think they’re all here, actually. JC:[laughs] I have less competition in New York.

AE: A memo went out and they were all told to move here. I guess you didn’t get that one. JC:[laughs] Yeah, they’re here in New York, but they’re not. I mean, if I go to a girl bar, people say to me, “You’re in the wrong place, sweetie.” Or, “Did you walk in by mistake?” I get all that stuff. AE: That’s reverse discrimination. JC:My straight friends think it’s hilarious – how little I appeal to lesbians. They say it’s God’s way of addressing the balance. Because if I were straight, I could pretty much date any guy I want because I’m a model and that’s what they’re into. But because I like women, I have to work, work to get a date. It keeps me humble.

AE: Maybe women are intimated by your looks. JC:But people forget – I don’t want to sound like I’m playing the violin for myself – but the body I was born into doesn’t really have much to do with me. I’m still just a woman who gets scared of rejection and all those things, just like anybody else. People make assumptions that your life is perfect because you’re pretty. Yes, in certain circumstances, the doors get opened for me because of the way I look, absolutely. But people also assume I’m a bitch and they prejudge me. They say pretty gross things to me on the street on a regular basis.

AE: Speaking of saying gross things, Usher was quoted in Vibe earlier this year saying, “Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.” You starred in his “Burn” music video. What’s his deal? JC:Well, a couple of issues with that, really. Rumors have abounded about Usher himself about his sexuality. So he’s very, very self-conscious, I think. I certainly didn’t tell him much [about being gay]. I still wasn’t comfortable talking about it at work and just wasn’t sure about those things. AE: When you’re on a job, your sexuality isn’t relevant, is it? JC:Except when you’re shooting for a couple of long days, people talk about their girlfriend or boyfriend, their vacation, or whatever. So now, I’m pretty open. But back then, it’s also working with a man in that context. You’re not quite sure how they’re going to respond to that.

AE: You’re a life coach but you’re only 23 years old. What insights do you think you can offer people about life when you yourself are so young? JC:People who want to work with me, there’s a specific appeal. If you’re a 20-something trying to find a new career direction, or [trying to] learn how to communicate in your relationship or how to develop a stronger sense of self or with your body, or have food issues, I think my life experience can be useful. I’ve been open about the struggles that I’ve gone through and how I resolved them. I’m quite passionate about it. But it’s not like you’re having problems and I can fix you, but it’s just very much forward thinking and action. Where do you want to be? How can we take you there? It’s the same process I had to apply to myself.

AE: I read one of your favorite TV shows is Showtime’s Dexter. I love it, too, because it’s about a serial killer. What kind of life coaching would you give a serial killer? JC:Oh, I love Dexter. If I were his life coach, I’d tell him, “You need to stop that.”

AE: But he only kills people who deserve it, Jessica. JC:Yeah, well that’s the beauty of Dexter.

AE: Maybe there are some models you’d like to introduce to Dexter? JC:Oh, you’re trying to get me to gossip. [laughs] I don’t know. [pauses]

AE: All right. Do models ever fight over outfits? What goes on backstage at a show? JC:Everyone wants to either open the show or close the show. Either you’re the first girl out, or the last girl out, you’re the most memorable. And then, no one wants the flat shoes. Everyone wants the heels. It’s very hard to do the walk in a flat shoe. Some people fight about that.

AE: Some of the clothes are pretty outrageous. Do you ever think to yourself, “I look like an idiot”? JC:[laughs] I think the key to being a good model is to not care [what you look like]. If you have to get a shot, you might have to jump up and down in the air on the street when everyone’s watching you. AE: In New York, you see people jumping up and down in the street every day. No one cares. Also, people in their underwear playing guitars. And Boy George picking up garbage. JC:[laughs] What was the question again?

AE: How do you make it work, when you know you look like a total jackass in that designer’s clothes? JC:Close your eyes and think of the money.

AE: Are there any other lesbian models? JC:Pretty much every model’s bi-try. So, they’ll go there. But openly gay? Amanda Moore is, I guess, the most well-known one.

AE: Have you dated other models in the past? JC: Yes, but not many, and not seriously, because they’re not really my type. I like physically powerful women with muscles. [Models] all have to be so thin. Also, the schedules never match up; you’re always in different countries than the other.

AE: Nevertheless, models come onto you when they find out you’re gay? JC:Yes, certainly. Totally.

AE: How does your girlfriend, Lacey, feel about that? JC:She thinks it’s funny because she knows I don’t want them. AE: It’s a compliment for her, really. JC:Yeah. Actually, women hit on her and men hit on me. So, we find it funny. She gets hit on a lot. And it’s a compliment to me!

AE: [laughs] Where did you meet Lacey? JC:We met at the gym almost two years ago. I asked her out. I had a schoolgirl crush for a while and when we saw each other at [a girl bar] in the Village, she was like: “What? That girl’s gay?”

AE: There it is again. But it worked out this time, right? JC: We’re happy.

For more information about Jessica Clark, visit her MySpace page, and follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/jessicaclark.

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