If that was an accident, imagine what “intentional” would look like

Yesterday Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges in Manhattan “for hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans.” My favorite part of the report: “The British catwalker wore stiletto heels, a tight-fitting black dress and waist-length jacket and several gold chains around her neck for her court appearance.” If you’re going to cop to something wicked, you may as well look the part.

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Naomi gave the judge a perfectly logical, detached explanation: “I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana. This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her.” But apparently she nabbed poor Ana in the back of the head and the gash required four stitches.

The last time I accidentally hit someone in the head with a small electronic device — er, we’ll leave that story for another time. But let’s just say that the only stitches were peals of laughter, and I certainly didn’t blame it on lingering resentment toward my father.

Ms. Campbell has been known to get out of hand with her staff before; several have filed lawsuits against her for assault. She’s been charged in at least three different countries, and two of the other allegations involved phones and blows to the head. And in November Tyra Banks told the beautiful bully, “I’m fearful of you to this day,” confronting her on TV about their 14-year feud.

This time around Naomi is going to have to pay for her maid’s medical expenses, do five days of community service, and attend two days of anger management classes. Her attorney is worried about stalkers and is hoping she can do her community service indoors. As if they’d have Naomi Campbell in an orange vest picking up trash on the side of the L.I.E.