How to Be a Gay Lady: Manners for the Modern Lesbian: Lesson Seven

 
 

Oh my lovely gay ladies! How we love to “share”! We’re so good at it! We share news, stories, confessions, advice, wardrobes, rounds of beer, vegan potluck dinners, friends, ex-girlfriends. There are no limits on how well we share! So when faced with this:

Who could blame us for getting a little over-excited? My own theory, ladies, is that social networking sites are part of a broader conspiracy directed entirely at The Lesbians:

Think about it. Of course they would want to know all our secrets! Resist gay ladies, resist! I will now arm you with everything you need to help us retain what little mystery we have left.

1. A Guide to Relationship Status Updates

Now my precious creatures, be honest with me: does your Facebook page look a little like this?

Because if so, then you my friend, are a gaylady Facebook status whore. For the love of god, think about your poor, bemused acquaintances and your technologically savvy Great Aunty Jean, all of whom are having a hard time trying to keep your love life straight (forgive my unfortunate choice of language, gay ladies). No good can ever come of this.

Perhaps – whilst this may in fact feel completely alien and unnatural to you – I may gently suggest that you hold back on proclaiming your “relationship” to the world if there’s a possibility that there are better words to describe what you’re experiencing, say for example, “fleeting crush,” “ill-advised fling” or “one night stand”? When Facebook eventually caves in to my petition and offers these new categories for your selection, please go ahead and choose amongst them accurately.

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